Reply to And then the day comes: Long term partner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Wow this generated a lot of comments. So to update, I have now joined DH to support him as he cares for his father. Listen, I totally get that his long term partner wants to peace out — they weren’t married, she’s BTDT with previous husband, who knows how long her health holds out, etc. And FIL is a lot. He’s now quite frail, but as opinionated and stubborn as always and his resistance to measures that could make this stage of life easier, such as technological aids is making this situation sooo much harder.

But anyway, he still thinks that after this recovery period in his house he’s going to resume the alternating house thing with her. Partner has told us that that’s not happening, but has not spelled it out clearly to FIL. She is visiting him every day, but also while FIL was in rehab she took all of her things out of his house. Now home, he hasn’t noticed. Partner wanted DH to break the news to his father; DH told her she has to do it. I’m hoping she tells him sooner rather than later and we’re giving them privacy during her visits in the hopes that some important convos can happen. It will be a devastating shock, but hopefully we can then make realistic plans with him for DH’s immediate and long term care. [/quote]

Visiting him daily is not "peace out".  It sounds like you still have not wrapped your head around the idea that it is literally impossible for her to be his primary caregiver in a safe way.

Sometimes when an older person will not accept bad news, you just let them go along not accepting it for a while. It's okay. You don't need his acceptance to make a realistic plan. You know where he will be and that she will be a social visitor rather than a caregiver, and that should be enough for you to plan.[/quote]

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