Reply to How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]how did you date and fall in love with him?  surely this isn't a new thing.[/quote]

This reply sounds like it’s from someone who doesn’t understand what it’s like. Let me explain. The partner can temporarily mask it but then after you’re married, their mask comes off. You begin to realize that something is off but you don’t know what. Then one day it dawns on you what has happened and you’re already 5-20 years into the marriage - probably with children. It is shocking and devastating when put the pieces together because you’re in so deep.

I too am curious how to survive this type of marriage. My spouse, though incredibly successful in the business realm, is so awkward and seems like he’s is another world when he’s home, without the structure of his work. It’s like he has no common sense. Our communication usually doesn’t connect. The kids are embarrassed by his social awkwardness - like him trying to be funny and he’s just not even close to being funny, or him teasing at them like they’re 5 but they’re 20 years old. Ugh. [/quote]

I don’t think it was “masked.”  I also have a child with ASD, and between my memories of my early relationship wit hDH and watching DS, I would say that when we started dating, I was DH’s “special interest.”

He wanted to know everything about me and thought I was incredibly interesting.  I was kind of a shy introvert and loved that this guy wanted to spend all of his time at a party (or wherever we went) talking to me.  I had just gotten out of a relationship with a big extrovert who introduced me to a lot of different people, but often left me alone.  DH seemed amazing.  
 [/quote]

OP I think there are a lot of ASD parents on this thread trying to dismiss your concerns - when they should be doing exactly the opposite. People know when they live with someone with HFA ASD - it can not be masked (or kept a secret) forever.  [/quote]

I’m an ASD parent here but I am not “dismissing concerns.” I’m dispelling the weird new trend of deciding to call jerk husbands “autistic,” and stereotypes about autistic people as incapable of emotions, empathy, and relationships. As well, PP seems to now even be framing her DH’s *positive* characteristics (being dedicated and attentive) as bad “autistic” features. Look I am sure it is a challenge to be married to a person with autism sometimes, but this thread and its multiple predecessors are trafficking in ugly stereotypes, not being helpful.

[/quote]

obviously many people can't make it in relationships, but I'm not sure if you are aware how adult men with this disability get to overwhelm and start to shut down particularly in middle age. I think a post was already made on how they are more prone to mid-life crisis. Their hyperfocus makes it more difficult to concentrate on many things and as they age it can get worse and worse just like many people but they are more prone to it is all.  There are just certain things to look out for to make it easier to manage. Beyond just direct speaking.[/quote]

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