Reply to How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Shift gears, OP.  You have to look out for yourself and your kids.  I have seen posts like yours where the "Divorce, you idiot!" types come out, and they are relentless.  In short, they want you to be AT LEAST as miserable as they are.

My best suggestion is to get help for yourself. Do for yourself.  You are probably a doer and a giver, and certain types of people take advantage of that.  Throw ASD in, and you could become overwhelmed very easily.  You seriously need to watch out for you.

Most of our kids are older now, but through the years, DH has had his rages, and we know not to entertain them now.  It was tough, because he would throw things and it would be bad.  When he wasn't getting the attention he needed, he would drive recklessly with me in the car, once with one of the kids in the car.  I told him he would lose everything, his job, his house, me, the kids - every last thing if that happened again, because I was going to the police.  The older kids are totally in on his behaviors. His triangulation attempts did nothing for him.

You need someone on YOUR side.

DH is the most charming man I know - seriously, he should be a politician.  No one in the community has any idea what we as a family go through, with DH. He will charm anyone, and he especially likes to be the good guy.  Most of DH's behavior has to do with his uber dysfunctional family.  They make my family look like Leave it to Beaver - it is crazy the sh*t that carries on, well into adult hood.

Now, DH knows that my respect for those who treated him the way they continue to do is zippo, zilch, zero, nada. And my tolerance for his shenanigans is exactly that, too. DH did not have any great, or even good role models growing up, and his parents were not close, warm or loving, they pretty much just existed.  I rarely hear happy stories, just the same old stories ultimately making fun of....you guessed it...DH.

I try to plan for certain outings, and we are working our way up to small trips. Now that the kids are getting older, it will eventually be just me and him - he has to learn to deal with me, not the other way around.

If he is super charming while out and about, fine, but they are going to know what I have to deal with, too - eventually.  He is not getting a free pass. That is what he responds to, so be it. He made his bed.

Your tolerance level has to decrease.  Do not snap - do not fight fire with fire, do not harp, do not whine, beg or nag.  Just be.  Be factual, no nonsense: "I know what you are doing and it will not be tolerated".  End story.

You are not alone, OP.

And as for the PP who is worried about their ASD kid being married - please, one thing at a time.  Do not make another human their adult mother.  Do YOUR job, be present, be attentive. Now.

[/quote]

Oh ffs. Your DH is not autistic. [/quote]

He was diagnosed by two different doctors, and I am not listing all of his attributes for you to inaccurately scrutinize.[/quote]

You are 100% lying or have a really distorted view of reality. It is impossible to be autistic and be “the most charming person in the room” etc. And autism is not caused by a dysfunctional family. [/quote]

Love your maladaptive insta-defensive belligerence and personal attacks.

Sounds familiar….

-NP[/quote]

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