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Adult Children
Reply to "How many parents still financially support their middle age adult children?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents are broke. I know plenty of wildly successful fully grown adults who are getting money from rich parents. My view is that independence is overrated. They’re just as hardworking and successful as me, but with better vacations. [/quote] I agree with you but I don't think Independence is overrated. I think the meaning of independence is subjective. [/quote] Nah. You’re not really independent if you have generational wealth or intergenerational gifts. It’s great for you, and enjoy it, but own it. [/quote] Meh. You're not really independent if your parents paid for college and you graduated debt free. Meh. You're not really independent if your parents paid for an expensive k-12 . Meh. You're not really independent if your parents moved you to the best school district, in a safe neighborhood, always had healthy food on the table, loved you and supported your mental, physical and emotional growth.[/quote] +1 Most people with generational wealth are independent. They can support themselves, it just might be at a level slightly lower than what they get with the family money. [b] Our oldest graduated college, started work 2 weeks later, we helped set up the apartment (IKEA furniture that we spent 2 days assembling ourselves), paid the deposit and first months rent (they hadn't started their job yet), gifted them the basic car they'd been driving since 16, paid the first year auto insurance and they are functioning on their own. They pay their bills with their salary. They save in their IRA and 401K. They have a budget to be able to do all of this. They are saving any extra money and have learned to cut back their entertainment (visiting bars with friends) to save more. They are an adult, living within their means. Nobody at their work would have any clue that they come from money. [/b] Now, we are rich so we choose to pay for vacations that they come on with us and trips to "home" (they are 3K away so it's a plane ride each time), we also gift them the amount for IRA and 401k as a "match", but the fact is they would still do that contribution and can afford it even if we don't because they want live within their own means. They are living in a decent, modern apartment, but definately not the nicest (they could have easily spent $500--600 more for a much nicer place with a pool and all the amenities)---because it's not needed and it would be a stretch on their budget that includes retirement savings. They are an adult and do NOT need assistance from their parents. In fact, they want to do it "on their own". Sure, they know that when they want to settle down and purchase a home/condo/townhouse, we will likely help them. But they are already saving towards this goal at 24. The other poster(s) are either trolls or just green with envy. [/quote] The fact that you were able to do the bold - both the time and money to do so - is a privilege so so many do not have. [/quote] obviously, we recognize that and our kids do as well. They have not grown up "Spoiled" or entitled. They recognize their privilege. We started from nothing---both came from poor families. Worked out asses off to go to college, lived like poor college students to pay off $80k in student loans (lived on 1 salary for 2.5 years, yes we are engineers, so we had a decent salary once we got out of our masters), and then started saving to buy first home with 10% down. Bought a home we could easily afford, rather than what the banks said we could---would we have liked nicer, sure, but we knew it was better to buy what we could easily afford on only a SINGLE salary so we could keep saving. Drove our first "basic cars" for 8-10 years, saving so we could pay cash for all future cars. We made decent money and we worked hard to advance our careers and save at the same time. We have taught our kids the same---they know they have to work hard and they do. Yes, they are very privileged. They know that and work hard as well as give back to their communities. [/quote] I'm the PP of that post and grew up the same, though I had no one but myself to pay off the loans. Eventually married DH, who did not have loans, but always good about living well below his income. We still live way below even though our assets and annual HHI probably put us in the top 1-3%. Our kids are also very privileged, work hard, give back, etc but I am under no illusion that they fully understand their privilege in the way that I do. I just don't see how they can. I do appreciate that they appear pretty mindful that they are full pay college students and know that some of their friends receive substantial financial aid. They also realized this in HS, but seems even greater now in college than it was then. Still thinking our kids are going to have to figure out their housing, including furnishings, after college. [/quote] I agree that our kids will never fully understand their privilege like we do (those of us who grew up with much less). How much you help your kids out is obviously up to you. But we don't see a need to let our kid(s) struggle when initially starting out. And without a full time job previously, how does one easily come up with deposit, first month rent and furnish an apartment? Obviously most kids struggle to do that. Sure that might build a bit of character. I could have let them move in on their own, figure it all out (the logistics and the finances) but I'd prefer my kid have a bed a couch, a tv, pots and pans, and basic kitchen supplies to start out with. Pretty sure assisting with that (if you can afford it) is not going to stunt your kid for the future or lessen their character. After that, they have been managing on their own and consulting with me as they formulate a budget and learn about real choices (can I afford to do X this month if I also want to do Y) It brings us joy to help as requested, especially when they are making good choices and could do it all on their own. We'd prefer they not be living on an air-mattress as their bed and couch for the first 2-3 months or putting stuff on CC and figuring out how to pay for it. They also needed some new clothes for work---sports shorts, sweatpants and t shirts is a bit too casual. IMO, this is what we save for---can't take it all with us when we die. So why not distribute it smartly while we get to see it bring joy to those we love and to charities we treasure as well[/quote]
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