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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP - and hugs; I think you sound like a supportive and kind friend.  I not get why so much hate is directed your way in this thread.

Maybe some of the people hating on you in this thread need education on their innate gender-biases? (they do not seem to recognize it).

Or if they are aware of innate gender bias, they need to work on that.[/quote]

OP here.

We were housemates in college and in the same program. Twenty years later we find ourselves living in the same city. I've known them as a couple since they got married. Our kids are friends, which is why I've been to his house since they've been divorced.

Don't worry about the "hate." It's clear that this question has brought out a lot of projection from some very women very bitter about their own situation. There do seem to be a fair number of women invested in the narrative of the lazy, incompetent dad. I mean, that whole thing of "dad as a clueless idiot" is reinforced in popular media, so it's hardly surprising, even if it's some universal truth.

As to the quesiton about money, I don't know for sure but they earned roughly the same, so I'd be surprised if there was some huge disparity.

I don't think there was any cheating. At least, she didn't confess anything to me or complain that he strayed. It just sounds like one of these things where maybe she had had it. [b]But maybe she is realizing she didn't have it so bad.[/b]

I'll just keep directing her to a therapist. [/quote]

Nothing you've posted points to her thinking this way, but it's clear you *want* her to have this takeaway.  Many women have explained to you that having a husband do nothing around the house and then show he was always capable of doing things once divorced is [b]worse[/b] than him being genuinely incompetent, but you keep thinking that what is being said in this thread is that all men are incompetent.  You are not engaging in this thread in good faith and nothing about your posts says you're a "good friend" to the woman you've called miserable, obsessed, and a wreck.

You shouldn't wonder why you come across as the XH trolling that this proves women shouldn't complain about unfair household labor divisions.[/quote]

Yeah, agree.

No one forces us to be friends with, or married to, a person. You get to choose these people and let them into your life. If you think your friend is a victim-playing nag who's divorced from reality, then why are you guys friends? You both should surround yourself with people who trust your judgment and intentions. So if you want to be her friend, then take what she says at face value. If you can't do that, then what you have is an acquaintanceship at best, and it shouldn't require crowdsourcing your side of the conversation on the internet.[/quote]

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