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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My friend was miserable the last five years of her marriage and blamed that on her husband. She divorced him two years ago, complaining about how she had to handle all the domestic stuff, the emotional work, being default parent, etc. You never know what’s happening in someone’s marriage but I never saw that — her DH seemed to be pretty involved, engaged and attentive with kids, rearranged his job roles to get better work-life balance, etc. But when friend would complain, I would always listen and try to be supportive of her feelings.

She initiated separation two years ago and they have been divorced now about 10 months and she is more miserable than ever. But one thing she continues to obsess about is that her ex didn’t fall flat on his face. He has a small townhouse with rooms for their kids (so does she), has them 50% of the time. The school calls *him* first if there is an issue, at the kids’ insistence. Their 14 yo DD apparently has asked to live full-time with her dad (which triggered a new round of upset from her this past weekend, understandably so). I don’t interact with him much but I have been inside his house — it’s tastefully decorated, albeit very much a man’s house (no sign there’s another woman in his life, at least not one with influence on home decorating). He looks fit, while my friend is just a mess.

It’s weird, like she thought this whole experience would show him that he couldn’t live without her and he obviously can and now she is disappointed by that. It’s like she is surprised to discover he is actually a competent adult. I don’t really know what to tell her except she needs to focus on her own life now and gently suggest she discuss the roots of her unhappiness with a therapist. Anyone else BTDT?[/quote]

You still don’t know what’s really going on. Or what he’s telling the kids or spoiling them with- money, garbage food, screens, no rules.

He has a simpler life and less responsibilities, plus if the kids are teens they are way more self sufficient than ages 0-12.

Your friend needs to detach from him, hopefully he is a good coparent not a lazy one that throws money at the kids for admiration. She needs to just be the best person she can be, and forget about him. He failed at child rearing and living in a family house. It broke his marriage and intact family.  It’s the ultimate test and he couldn’t do that. So unless he marries, has new babies and lives in a house again (not townhouse) no one really knows if he’s “doing better.”  With the divorce he vastly simplified his life and responsibilities. Especially if he half @$$es the ones that remain. Unf your friend is probably still the default parent, monitoring for health issues, emotional support, planning school obligations, monitoring academics, and other deadlines. Dad just does his after school time and outings. Easy peasy.  It’s called Disney Dad for a reason, not coaching dad or homework dad or healthy cooking dad.

It’s best these types do not get remarried as they cannot handle the responsibilities and manage their time. Or resources.[/quote]

This. This is the most likely scenario.

Number 2 likely is that OP is a troll.[/quote]

Lots and lots of projection in that previous post.[/quote]
Didn’t Op claim that she claimed he did nothing. That’s the truth. He’s likely the same. Kid is probably on her iPhone most the evenings.

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