Reply to Why does this bother me so much? “Fairness”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve been with my husband for over ten years so I know his family pretty well. His parents are nice, kind people. But it bothers me so much how much they favor his younger sister! For my husband, they paid for his college education and that’s it. We’ve paid for everything else ourselves - wedding, house, cars, daycare, etc. This is fine and normal to me. My family is the same way.

But his parents go overboard on supporting his sister. She has anxiety so she supposedly can’t hold down a normal job. She hasn’t had a “real” job since graduating college and she’s 30. She’s had a couple small retail jobs but nothing that lasts more than a few months. She tried living with roommates but she hates that. So they bought her a million + apartment in Manhattan so she can live alone in a doorman building and not have to pay rent. They give her spending money for clothes and going out and send her on several really nice international vacations every year so she “has something to look forward to.” I watch her Instagram stories and think, “I’d like to go to Italy too!” She routinely takes the kind of trips that take us several mo this to save up fo[b]r and she’s ne er worked at a real job or made real money.

I’ve always kind of side eyed the dynamic in this family but it’s gotten worse since we had our first baby and are paying over $2k a month for infant care plus our mortgage plus trying to save for DC’s education. We can’t afford to take nice vacations anymore. I don’t expect his parents to pay for our expenses or vacations. Mine don’t either. That’s fine. But I feel really bothered by the fact that they don’t offer my H anything but then turn around support their daughter like a spoiled princess because she has anxiety. [/b]I have anxiety too! And depression! Everyone does these days, it’s the norm![b]

How can I stop feeling like a jealous child who cries over life being unfair? I *know* life is unfair. It just sucks to have a ringside seat to it like this.[/quote]

As a first gen of immigrants, your sense of entitlement and lack of awareness of your privilege annoyed me.

But the part where you downplay and minimize your Sil's mental health condition and equate your depression and anxiety with her level shows an astounding lack of empathy abd compassion. I hope you're just a troll, trying to rile up people with your references to social media and travel.

If you're not a troll:
In my culture, daughters are considered dependents until they are married and have a DH to care for them. Yes it's terribly sexist. But this could be how your ILs see the situation. 
Get assessed to see if you really do have clinical depression or anxiety. 
Try to become more grateful for what you have. 
Try compassion-based meditation.
Above all, get off social media. You're jealous of SIL. Yes, that is the unfortunate consequence of social media.

It sounds more to me that you miss your fun, free childless life. Now life is more serious and the daily toll of parenthood is weighing on you.
The first 5 years are tough. Stop focusing on how life is unfair, blaming your ILs for your resentment. 
Figure out how to lose your resentment of how becoming a parent has taken away your fun spontaneous life and saddled you with monotony and the daily grind.

And get off social media.
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