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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP — I do want to say I admire your ability to pivot now that you have this feedback. It seems like your DH has likely totally misread this situation as well. I will say that you may want to consider if you have other blind spots where you are not putting yourself in someone else’s shoes or if this is limited to your ILS.

I also think you need to consider more broadly what “hosting” means. For example my ILS live close by and probably try to come by our house every third weekend. When this happens, I feel zero obligation to host. If I’m busy at work, I might stay up in my office. If I had a pedicure scheduled, I would not change it. Now, there are plenty of times I do hang out with them. But not every time.

If my family came and stayed with me for a week, I sure would not sit around talking to them all day and organizing three meals a day for them. There would be food in the house that they are welcome to and some meals would be organized. But I don’t have to constantly entertain my family for 7 days.

People have different definitions of what family visiting looks like. You sort of sound like the parents that many people on here complain about that need 16 hours a day of focus. Many people don’t want to hang with a visitor for days on end. That doesn’t make them rude, etc.[/quote]

OP here. You make valid points, and TBH, I left out a lot of details. Like the time they chose a social obligation, we all had gone to their house for what we were told was a family dinner. Or when we were told it was a family party and they invited 6 or so other families (their friends who none of us but MIL/FIL had ever seen before).  (Now I see that likely communication was faulty.) They do not host us for three meals a day. [/quote]

Same poster and I’ve read some more of your follow up. First, let me say I fully support your decision not to bear the mental load of communicating with your husband’s family. I am the same. It is one of the reasons that I don’t feel the need to hang out with my ILS when they show up, my husband organizes that stuff. He would check in with me to make sure I don’t recall some issue with timing, but it just isn’t “my” event.

But, I will also say my husband and I are “more the merrier” people. We could be actually hosting something for our families and we might invite friends too. I think we would probably tell family that was happening, but we might overlook it. Some of this is just how social people are. My husband is a super extrovert. If there is an event, he might add many, many people. And I’m generally cool with that as long as we have a plan on how much food we need. This is just a difference — no one it right or wrong.[/quote]

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