Reply to Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All the SAH naysayers are out in full force! I love SAH with my kids. Nothing will make me regret this time with them. Nothing. I love every minute of being a homemaker. I also trust my DH. Wow, there’s a concept, right? I respect him and trust him and he’s awesome. We are not perfect but we are happy and committed. [/quote]

The question in the OP is about the financial risks of SAH if one partner is a high earner. Responding accurately isn’t “naysaying.” You can also respond accurately with a discussion of the risks. But “I love staying home,” while a nice sentiment, doesn’t answer OPs question.

I stayed home with my older kids (now nearly adult) when they were young. I was glad for the time, and certainly don’t regret it. I worked when my youngest was a toddler so I have done both. (I don’t regret working either.) But what I can say now, at the other end, is that SAH is unquestionably a financial risk even if the partner is a high earner, unless the SAHM and working partner take concrete steps to make sure those risks are mitigated. I look around and I have seen marriages fail in spectacular fashion. These are not couples you would have thought would get divorced when we were all starting out. Life happens fast and people have all sorts of things happen: alcoholism (a serious issue), burnout, gambling addiction, teens that go off the rails and the father bolts, midlife crisis, whatever.

The PPs who talked about buying property are smart. The SAHMs in families where wealth is kept in US property have been better off financially (even when still married). Cash disappears very fast in divorce, and even not in divorce. I have seen some women get alimony and sometimes for life (important if you are  55 with no working skills) but even those with alimony face challenges. It is just much easier to offshore money these days, and these millionaire DHs are often not surprised by the divorce and so have spent a lot of time preparing for it. Jointly held properties managed by the SAHP is a smart idea. But it’s foolish to pretend there aren’t real financial risks to staying home even in a high earner marriage. [/quote]

my ExH hid tens of millions in offshore accounts under the companies registered by his mistress.

I was smart to have him buy several rentals in the US (which I all retained). But I still got way less than 50% of the joint assets, as he hid everything liquid abroad.

I have a friend in Germany. Her husband is a law partner making EUR 2mm a year. When they had a rough patch, he asked her to vacate the joint house. She ran to family lawyers and basically was explained that she would never get a hold of ANY of his law partner earnings, as he was receiving them on Cayman islands accounts. She would only get half of their marital home (around EUR 500k, a far cry from joint earnings and liquid assets).Thankfully they pass the rough patch but it's a very real story[/quote]

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