Reply to Mom recently died, DH is planning his mom's bday party

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ignore all these judgey op’s saying you should suck it up and go. I suspect they just envy how close you were to your mom. Let them judge, not everyone is close with their parents and are capable of empathizing.

Also, I know I will get a lot of flack for this but dcum skews wealthy and affluent. And there’s been many solid studies that show that as people gain wealth, they lose empathy. I would not take responses here as a reflection of how the average person would respond. [/quote]

Empathy is for MIL who is alive.  [/quote]

IT’S ONE BIRTHDAY, PEOPLE.  MIL wil survive if ONE of her family members are not able to attend this ONE birthday party. She really will. I promise. OP is not proposing to cut MIL out of her life forever because her mother died. She is saying it would be difficult for her to attend a birthday party and celebrate her MIL’s bday right after her mother’s death.

Seriously who are you people? [/quote]

I suppose if you are in a family where people skip family events this would work.  In my family no one misses any event unless they are out of town or have something competing.  In our family it would be viewed as odd to miss.  And it is not just one birthday party if DH and sister are spending so much time planning.[/quote]

Yeah.  She DOES have something competing with the event.  Her grief.  I honest to goodness can not understand how a family would not understand that the spouse is not feeling up for acting happy-go-lucky and putting on a fake smile for her MIL at her big lavish birthday party, right after her mother's death.  If they would judge her for that, I'm sure they would also be judgemental that she could not scrounge up a happy face at the party for a measly 3 hours, and was instead crying in the bathroom 1 hour into the party.[/quote]

The issue is, what does MIL have to do with OP’s grief? Nothing. OP’s MIL’s continued existence doesn’t take anything away from OP’s grief for her mom. As another pp put it, is OP going to avoid every event involving mothers? The only connection would, superficially, seem to be that OP is jealous of her DH and his mother, at least that’s how it would be interpreted. OP needs a good grief counselor who can help her separate these two individuals. [/quote]

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