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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Keep the house. Do the ARM

I got divorced in 2020 when there was no housing. I stupidly listened to conventional advice (a woman should never keep the house in a divorce .... it is a huge financial mistake)

On the contrary...not keeping the house has been the biggest financial mistake of my life.

My ex kept it. He did not buy me out of the full 50%. He now has 400k more equity because the value of the home went up about 400k during covid.

I bought another house, not at all comparable, for more money in 2021. This house is 5 min away but not in the school zone. I could not find housing in the school zone. I also have had major unforeseen maintanece and repair issues...I had an inspection. I have spent 17k in repairs since I bought and now have to spend 20k more. I could not sell my house now without making these repairs. I am paying more for less house and now have these major additional expenses. I essentially had to start over, pay more while my ex kept the house, gained equity and did nothing.

I considered trying to keep the house but my divorce attorney talked me out of it. Biggest mistake of my life.

I have also paid moving costs, closing costs and furniture costs that are not in the figures above. it would have been cheaper or me to rent at 4k a month at this point.

Moving to the unknown can really cost you. Keep the house and do the ARM. Refi later or move before the term ends.[/quote]

Do you really think the real estate market in 2023-2024 is going to see the stratospheric value increases seen in 2020-2022? If you do, you’re the only person in the US who does.  OP is making the mirror image of your mistake. She’ll be paying the inflated 2022 price to her soon to be ex and watching her value drop, or at best, stagnate. [/quote]

Of course not. But buying now is not ideal. She will pay more for less. Better to stay and sell years from now than buy another property.[/quote]

She doesn’t have to buy immediately. Rent & wait until next year & see what happens to the market. Unless at least one of the partners is wealthy, trying to sustain two households vs. one requires compromises. Too many women compromise their future to try to avoid changing their current lifestyle. The real mistake pp made was not giving up her marital house, it was trying to replace it kind. Of course you should keep the house if you’re just going to go out and buy an equally expensive one. And as pp discovered, a “cheaper” house isn’t “cheaper” if the price is lower because it needs a ton of immediate work. Of all the options, that’s the dumbest. These women get divorced, but want to pretend that nothing’s really changed. It doesn’t work, and it’s an expensive delusion. [/quote]

Well, *this* Op isn't "pretending nothing's really changed." Obviously I'll still be paying 1200 more per month which is not an insignificant amount and I have strategies for dealing with it, but yes it is all a risk. Sure selling and cashing out then renting is less of a risk, but it's also a possible missed opportunity to build wealth over the long haul which ALSO could screw over "these divorced women" - which I have also seen happen and would like to avoid.

So I think it's all about taking a calculated risk and reducing the potential for things to go completely awry right? But yes, divorce is a financial hit. I feel fortunate that at least I have a good stable job with amazing benefits.

I think this thread has probably run its course... thank you everyone who weighed in, including the naysayers. Maybe I'll report back in a couple years...[/quote]

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