Reply to My DIL visibly cringes when I mention I saw her Facebook feed

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]An in that context, it would feel pretty weird if someone I didn't know very well would greet me with something like "oh I saw you had a nice vacation in Florida [when I was there for a friend's bachelorette]" or "wow seems like you had a great time at that wedding [of people this person doesn't know at all]." Like I get there is nothing wrong with them having seen those posts and to remember them later, but it would feel jarring and strange to have it brought up months later as though it was a significant thing in my life. When in reality, the stuff I posted on Facebook was rarely the most important stuff going on with me -- it was just the stuff I happened to do with people who posted about it to Facebook. Like being a guest at a wedding or attending someone's baby shower is fun but generally not a major highlight of my year. So being asked about it later as though it was equal to getting engaged or having a baby felt very odd.[/b]

Let's understand that it's perfectly ok to talk to someone about an event or experience  they had,  even a year ago. Yes, it is, dear.

It's ok to reference a picture or event people posted about. There's no secret club, no "what is said on FB, stays  on FB."  You are all mature adults,  yes adults,  and your parents are adults.  [b]You are  now in the adult world. [/b]Not high school. [/quote]

All adults in your life are not equal. You have immediate family, extended family, DH’s family, HS/college friends, work friends, mom friends, neighbors, acquaintances, BFFs. There are different topics, societal norms, and boundaries around those different relationships. IRL you wouldn’t be sharing the same info with every adult. It’s hard to target info for appropriate groups on FB so people need to gauge what is relevant to them.

For example, when my neighbor posts about a funny college experience to reminisce with college friends it’d be a little weird for me to bring it up with them months later out of context. But if my neighbor posted something funny that happened at salon where we both get our hair done, it wouldn’t be weird at all.

Basically, OP needs to stay in her lane. 
[/quote]

Everything you might happen to know about a person is not really fair game for conversation. You have to think a little about whether the subject will be something they want to discuss. You also have to read cues. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with bringing up a FB post once or twice, but if you e noticed, as OP did, that the person clearly feels uncomfortable discussing it, then you should stop mentioning it. In the same way that if your son visibly cringed every time you asked about his job, or your neighbor seemed uncomfortable every time you brought up another neighbor. Read the room.

It’s weird to me this thread is dividing along generational lines with the older generations on the thread concluding “No, it’s online, it’s fair game for discussion, get over it.” I normally expect older people to have a stronger sense of appropriateness, and expect younger people to have a harder time with this due to both inexperience and a youthful belief that the rules are different for them. It’s interesting this thread is the opposite.

If you posed this question to Emily Post or any manners expert, they would tell you the same thing: do not raise subjects that make the other person visibly uncomfortable, and do not demand reasons for why someone might not want to discuss a subject with you in a social setting. Conversations are not inquisitions. If looking for appropriate topics of conversation, ask more open ended questions that will allow the person to steer the conversation towards topics with which they are comfortable (“Have you enjoyed any recent travel?” as opposed to “I saw on FB you went to Miami with some girlfriends, tell me about that”). Or relate stories or anecdotes from your own life that might encourage them to share as well— often sharing and being vulnerable yourself can make it more comfortable for the other person to do the same.

I’m sorry, but OP and those defending her actions here simply sound rude and incapable of understanding that a conversation with another person should take their topic preferences into account. This really isn’t even a social media question.[/quote]

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