Reply to DH put hands on 8 y/o son's neck

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your husband sounds insane.

I have an 8 year old son who has anger issues and sometimes lashes out at me and DH so I get how difficult that is. It is very frustrating and hard to know how to deal w/ it especially because in the moment, we get very upset ourselves so it's hard to control ourselves. But I cannot imagine either my DH or myself ever getting to a point of putting our hands on our child the way your husband did to your child. The most I'd ever do physically would be to try to hold/restrain my son by holding his arms still. And that would only be if he was actively trying to hurt me or someone else and for some reason we could not leave the room. My first option when my son is angry and getting violent/or I think he might become violent is to leave the room and close the door and let him calm down for a few minutes. If for some reason I cannot leave the room at that moment, my next option would be to hold his arms still by like a bear hug type of restraint. I would NEVER do anything that could physically hurt my child. And putting my hands around/on his neck would be a totally insane reaction.

Yelling f*ck you! or go f*ck yourself! to an 8 year old is also an insane reaction. Cursing at someone is abusive behavior. Not only that but it will only make the situation worse. Putting hands on a child to physically hurt them or yelling curses at them to emotionally hurt them will only make your son's behavior worse, not better. He needs to be taught how to behave, not shown examples in your husband of how not to behave. Your husband needs to go to anger mgmt/therapy/parenting classes and/or your whole family needs family counseling.

Your husband's behavior seems to be escalating. Maybe in his own childhood, he was similar to your son and the way he's acting now is how his own parents dealt with him so he's repeating that pattern. Maybe he was the same age your son is now when things started getting out of control for him in his childhood/when his own parents started abusing him, so seeing your son's behavior is triggering for him and he has outsized reactions. Whatever the reason, you need to figure it out and work together to get it under control or it will only get worse. This is a crisis situation. This is extreme. Please get help.[/quote]

Sounds like your way isn't working if you're dealing with this over and over. I wonder if OP's DS will try to swing at his father again.[/quote]

Yes, it's likely that what the kid will learn from this is to take out his anger on people who are smaller or less powerful than him.  So, he might not swing at Dad again, because he's learned that beating up younger kids and eventually women is safer.

Is that the kind of man you want to raise?  [/quote]

Maybe he'll learn, if I'm violent, others will defend themselves and I won't like it, so I'd better not act like that again. [/quote]

It doesn't work like that.. kids with a violent parent learn to either accept violence and abuse from others or become the violent abuser [/quote]

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