Reply to Women expecting other women to be in charge of all holidays/logistics/family dynamics

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Wait, based on the subsequent comments, i can't tell if people think the dad's in the "coach gift" story up thread is support of the idea that "if we left things to men, the world would fall apart" or "men have the right idea".  I read it and thought, yeah men have the right idea, and women make work up that is so dumb and unnecessary and then complain about it.  The coach gift - and needing to set up a fund, and get everyone to contribute then send it to the coach.... that is a colossal dumb waste of time and 20 years ago, no one - women nor men - was wasting time with stuff like that.  And then you add 5 minutes of time waste to every parent on the team, who has to now figure out whatever dumb app it is to make a contribution.  So i read that "coach gift" story as a perfect example of men having the right idea, and the world will in fact continue to turn if we don't do all these dumb tasks.

But i'm fascinated - it looks like some of you saw it as evidence of the opposite? [/quote]
No, I'm a woman and I'm with the men on some of these things. I think a bunch of stuff is made up make work. Especially at school. Coaches gifts aside (these are easy now because of Venmo), I keep things simple. No elaborate schedules or spreadsheets. We alternate years for celebrations (for Thanksgiving, in-laws get one year, my parents get the next). We don't buy birthday or Christmas gifts for extended family. We keep our traditions simple. We buy store bought or easy to put together things to contribute (i.e. I'll send DH to buy a pie from a bakery instead of cooking one).

My husband has always been in charge of his own family. His gifts for his parents are embarrassing (once he got everything from a gas station), but oh well. They know they're from him.[/quote]

Yes but this thread is about older women (generally on the DH side of the family) wanting things to happen and being angry *exclusively at women * when the next generation doesn’t make them happen. Women are allowed to have preferences about what they are willing to take on or not. My DH is a crap planner in a lot of ways but he is aware he is exclusively in charge of finding times to visit his parents because it’s a chore and I hate the back and forth. Once the trip is happening I do ensure my kids have everything they need and the trip will go smoothly. To me that is not something I’m ok to drop the rope on. I also make sure we have trips and gifts and things set up with my nieces and nephews on both sides. It’s important to me. So those things happen but I don’t even think my DH got my MIL a birthday gift this year. I doubt that was a conscious decision that he didn’t think it was worth doing, because he has in other years but it was his decision not to put a system in place to remember it like I do for my parents. She may be complaining about me to her friends but at least it’s not to my face:) 
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