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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think a lot of the genes differences are bunk.  BUT, I do think that people are different and have different needs, and people seek out partners who fill their needs.  And that there is a spectrum, and you may fall anywhere on that spectrum.

So that, by and by, on the large, women tend to express a specific set of needs, and men tend to express a different set of needs.

The book his Needs, Her Needs, which I referenced a couple of pages back, does a good job of explaining this in a way that isn't too terribly Women are like X, Men are like Y.  (though it does a bit of that, and is from a very Christian perspective, so you have to kind of screen some of that out if it doesn't work for you).  It's been years, but what he does is list ten needs that most people tend to have, and have each partner rank those needs.  Women tend to value safety and security needs higher than the other needs, men tend to value admiration and respect higher than the other needs.  Not everyone - or everyone in the same gender - ranks the needs exactly the same way.

Other couples counseling books talk about it like this - there's the old adage treat people like YOU want to be treated.  Which is kind of self centered, isn't it?  Treat people like THEY want to be treated.  How they want to be treated - what they value - may or may not be how you want to be treated, or what you value.  Differences in people are ok and good.  People are different.  So figure out what motivates or rewards your partner, and give them that.  Don't give them what motivates or rewards you.

So yes.  It may seem cliched or trite, and it may not fit your circumstances, but in my case, my husband wanted me to say (and, um, obviously I am waaay oversimplifying this)  you are great!  You did a great job!  I so appreciate everything you do for the family!  And I wanted my husband to say you are cherished!  You are loved!  You matter!  If my husband said to me (and again - way oversimplifying this) I so appreciate everything you do for the family I would think, I am not your maid!

Gender differences discussions used to annoy me, because I am not a girly girl, and quite honestly I don't give a shot about the state of my floors or whether the laundry is done every wek and everything is perfectly folded and put away.  But my husband does care, a great deal, about homemaking stuff, so that's another area where I am conscious of his perceptions.  And vice versa, there are things I care about that he doesn't, and he takes more care with those things than he might if he lived on his own.  It's really about mutual  respect.  [/quote]

This makes more sense to me.  It's based more on the personality of the person and not gender even though there are probably trends in males and females that you find when asking how they would like to be treated by their spouse.  We definitely compliment each other's personalities so that probably makes us work well together plus we also have similar goals in life which keep us on the same page.

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