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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does anyone enter marriage anymore and just not consider divorce an option?  We've been married for 25 years.  We have five children.  We've had some rough times.  But we made a commitment to each other and we took our wedding vows very seriously. My husband knows that he is the most important person in my life.  He takes priority over the kids, our parents, our extended family, our friends....

We have several friends who have divorced over the years.  The common theme seems to be a lack of respect from the wife.  Next time you are out with your friends, listen to the way they talk about their husbands.  How do you talk to your own husband at home?  Do you speak negatively about him to friends?  Does he feel loved and most of all respected.  All you have to do is turn on the television....commercial after commercial depict men as stupid creatures that could not possibly survive without the help of their (nagging, condescending) wives.  Think about the number of television shows that make men look inept.

Women need to feel safe and loved.  Men, above all else, need to feel respected. If your husband doesn't feel valued and respected at home, there are plenty of women out there who will give him those things.  It's not right.  But it's reality.  Men need to be the "king of their castle".  
[/quote]

So, women don't need to feel respected?  All men need are to feel respected and to be the "king of their castle?"  I don't even know what that means!!!!  King of their freakin' castle?  Please tell me you are a SAHM that needs to believe this in order to justify that you have an important role to take care of this "king of your castle.".  Honestly, if my DH ever said this to me I would laugh so hard I'd pee myself!

We both work f/t, have built our life together (including that not-so-castle-like house we live in) and share all of the household and child rearing activities 50/50.  I say that respect needs to go both ways and both partners need to feel loved.

If there are any women who think he's not being treated like a man should, please come and clean my house and take care of my "king" so I can go off for a spa day and feel like a queen![/quote]

you may laugh, but the PP is right.  there are huge genetic and evolutionary differences between men and women.  men and women have different needs.[/quote]

I think that's all crap.  People may have different needs, but stereotyping it by gender is irrating to me.  It's along the lines that I *must* have some guilt about being a working mom.  I had some brief moments after my kids were born where I wondered if there was something wrong with me as a person for not feeling guilt AT ALL for going back to work after my kids were born.  My DH and both missed our LOs and loved to rush pick them up after work but I never had any doubts or guilt just as he didn't.

So, if we are truly partners in our marriage why would one person need something more than the other.  It's just ridiculous.  Why do I need a DH to feel safe?  Do you mean physically, emotinally, what??  Also, why wouldn't my DH want to feel loved any more than I do?  I know he loves me and he know I love him.  We show that mainly through respecting each other.  I just don't understand why we need different things in our relationship.  We need him to be a 50/50 partner and love and respect me the same way I love and respect him.

Btw, I told him that I felt bad that I didn't treat him like the "king of his castle" and he laughed!  [/quote]

how silly to deny gender differences.  spend an afternoon watching mammals interact at a zoo or in the woods and then get back to me.[/quote]

I'm not denying them, but I feel we are moving past many of them that stem from sociatal pressures.  Norms about the roles of women and men have changed drastically, but not enough to move past calling some of them gender differences.  I still have some traditional maternal instincts, but I didn't feel any more guilt going back to work than my DH did (which was actually none) but that is still accepted in our society as being okay for dads and not for moms.  I felt pressure to pretend that I felt bad all day my first few weeks back at work because so many people gave me the *oh  poor you* look.  My DH didn't get any of those looks or comments.

I just see few differences in the needs of my DH and I emotionally and physically.  I really should be treating my DH differently than I expect him to treat me?  I honestly don't get it.[/quote]

you are an outlier.  most new moms feel differently.  that is not based on societal pressures, that is based on hormones and evolution.[/quote]

I used to think I was an outlier and maybe I am, but the more I opened up about my feelings with my friends and moms in my office many of them said they felt the same way but didn't act like it because everyone assumed they would come to work weepy and sad to be away from their DC.  Now I missed my kids for sure and couldn't wait to scoop them up at the end of a work day but I never felt guilty or had a hard time concentrating on work while in the office.  I think if more people talked about it you'd be surprised that I'm not such an outlier. [/quote]

But it is also no surprise that your "outlier" women have chosen to marry outlier men, who happen to care about housework and such. It is a balance. An outlier woman like you would probably not be attracted to a typical, king of the castle, alpha male.

So, even though you are an outlier, you did what most women do - look for a parter that complements them. [/quote]

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