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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What are dh’s parents doing for the holidays?[/quote]

Prob enforcing boundaries they’ve previously set around SIL’s freeloading ways [/quote]

How do you define "freeloading"?  I think my definition is very different....

(Also, did you even read what OP said about the dynamic between SIL and the parents?)[/quote]

She doesn’t ask, she tells her brother and OP when she wants to show up. OP doesn’t make mention of SIL offering to grab pizza one night, or pick up bagels and juice for one breakfast (SIL has the cash to stay in a hotel so she’s not broke). SIL is also mooching off of her elderly parents for plane tickets. [/quote]

1. Not asking has nothing to do with freeloading.
2. Correct, no specifics were offered about who pays for pizza or bagels.  So that is not evidence for or against freeloading.
3.  She may be "freeloading" off the parents, based on what OP "thinks" (but does not know).  But clearly they are OK with it, which is proof that they are not "enforcing boundaries" around the sister.[/quote]

Based on OP’s description I bet the parents are happy to pay for her flight so they don’t have Spinster Sis at their home for weeks at a time every holiday season. [/quote]

Really? What part of OP's posts make you say that?

Was it this? "His parents always take her side-- I think she's forever 12 in their eyes."
Or this? "DH partially blames his parents for the situation. They catered to her all of their lives and were very upset when she wanted to move away."

Or the complete absence of saying that ANYTHING about SIL is bad other than that she is around more than they want and that she does not wait for an invitation?

And tell me more about your use of "Spinster"?  What did you mean to convey by that term?[/quote]

Oooh I’ve struck a nerve! Found the SIL! Go find friends and hobbies and expand your world outside your brother’s family.

Spinster: an unmarried woman, typically an older woman beyond the usual age for marriage.[/quote]

So you think I am the SIL and you offered advice as to what I should do with my life.

Any interest in responding to my actual question?

(Providing a definition of spinster is not the same as explaining why you chose to use the term.)

[/quote]
Yeah, I used the term because the shoe fits. [/quote]

But why did you feel the need to use the term “Spinster Sis”? It was obvious she was older and unmarried.  How did using that term add value or meaning?
What about my main question? Still think the parents don’t want her around? If so, why?[/quote]

Spinster is an accurate description of SIL. Sorry if it hurts your feelings. Her parents seem all too happy to pawn her off on brother and his wife, they’re not insisting that SIL come for one of the holidays each year - heck they are paying for her flight to see OP’s family. You must see yourself as the SIL with the personal offense you’re taking in this thread. [/quote]

What makes you think I am taking personal offense?

“SIL” is also an accurate description of the woman.  It is the one that has been used uniformly throughout this thread.  What I am asking is why you chose not to use the same term as everyone else?[/quote]

Are you this annoying in real life?  That person who loves to pick one tiny thing and try to argue it ad nauseam?  You’re like a dog with a bone. The sister in law (which is what she is to the OP) is a spinster. Plain and simple. And PP doesn’t owe you an explanation about why she used one word over another. This is an anonymous listserv, dope. [/quote]

DP. I dunno once someone starts using spinster to talk about the SIL, it just screams mean girl.[/quote]

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