Reply to If you’re a mommy martyr, what’s behind it?

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Reply to "If you’re a mommy martyr, what’s behind it?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I haven't read the comments but I was like you, OP. I'm not sure exactly what I should have done differently. I had no family help, my kid wouldn't sleep no matter what, DH had a big job, and I was very driven to raise my kid according to all the best parenting books. I think this was generally okay until my second came along because I still had time to take care of myself when DD was on a consistent nap schedule. But I went crazy when I had a three year old and a five month old. Literally, I went to the mental hospital.

That was ten years ago and I'm doing better now, but I am still struggling with this.

Just this morning, I was on my way to the gym because I really, really needed it for my mental health. But then there were some hiccups in my husband's schedule and he couldn't do an activity he had planned with DD, and he asked me to take her. I knew that in order for me to have a day where I felt confident and productive and mentally stable, I needed to go to the gym first thing. But DD looked sad so I took her on this outing instead. And then that turned into something else, and then into something else, and I lost momentum to go to the gym. I did eventually go but I missed on a several hours of mental clarity and calm just so DD was a little more comfortable.

in the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal, but it's just a reminder that I once again put DD's wants ahead of my needs. I should have worked out and then done the activity, even if she looked bummed about it.

But at this point I'm so used to being flexible and putting my needs last, and it's a really hard habit to break. My kids are older and I should be at the point where I easily prioritize myself, but it's like I'm an elephant who grew up tied to a post and my brain hasn't figured out that the rope is no longer there. I see my husband just say no to the kids when they ask for something but he has something else going on, and he can just do that with no inner turmoil or guilt. I don't think I'll ever get to that point. [/quote]

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