Reply to If you’re a mommy martyr, what’s behind it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I always wished my mom had friends (still do!), wished my mom took more care of herself, wished she put her marriage above children. I do love my mom, but she was lax on discipline and it shows with my sibling.

I've tried hard to not be a martyr and would disagree with a lot of your items that you think are "better". I think CIO has enabled my kids to be wonderful sleepers, which is a life long benefit. DH and I have had more time to reconnect at night because of it. You don't need exercise as much as you just need to eat less. You can't outrun the fork. Eating less won't take anything away from your kids or take up any more time. My kids and I hike and walk to playgrounds a lot. I also think that marriage should be prioritized first, not girls trips, but couples trips, date nights and caring for each other. The more love and caring I pour into our relationship, the better a father DH is too. [/quote]

YES. I feel the same way. My mom would tell us how she washed the floors every day when we were very little, because it was The Right Thing To Do. She didn't seem to weigh how much effort it cost her. My mom devoted so much of herself to her kids, but there wasn't much left. At her funeral, I struggled to say something about her as a person rather than just as a devoted mom. And she was very needy with her kids even once we grew up, my sister became emotionally dependent on her, whereas I had to actively break away, which caused a lot of unnecessary heartache.

It is SO SO IMPORTANT to have balance, OP. And it is definitely not too late to change your approach, especially as your kids are getting older. I'm wondering why you are worried about the slippery slope? Do you have control issues or an addictive personality? What does your DH think about all this? [/quote]

Why do you have to know your mother as a person? She was your mother. That was her role in your life.

[b]And CIO is shirking your responsibility as a parent for selfish reasons and then pretending it's actually a healthy choice for your baby instead of for you. As if human kind had it wrong for thousands upon thousands of years, feeding and comforting their babies at night. CIO is barbaric[/b].[/quote]

Oh wow this is classic mommy martyr!  Dramatic and highly emotional response about how “CIO is barbaric.”

Who cares about sleep, right?  You should sacrifice sleep and your marriage so that your precious baby never cries at night.  Make sure to not have a job so you can wake up throughout the night for your baby who doesn’t require a middle of the night feed.  Then make sure to talk to your husband about how much you’re sacrificing for your family.  Even though your husband never asked you to quit your job so you can stay up all night with a baby.  Whenever your friends have careers and kids who sleep make sure to tell them how “lucky” they are that they have a good sleeper.

[/quote]

If you didn't realize having a baby meant you would be sacrificing sleep, you must have been living under a rock. It's universal. The only reason you do CIO is because you have a job. You can say, "We can't afford a baby so let's not have one" but you just can't say, "We can't lose sleep because I work full time." If you can't do the job, don't have a baby, or hire a night nanny to do the job for you. Don't pretend it's okay to let a baby scream because you need to go to work the next day.[/quote]

NP. Excuse me, I work full time and so does my husband and we most certainly did not do barbaric cry it out. Don’t act like all working parents do CIO. I agree that it’s a selfish and lazy thing to do, but plenty of SAHMs do cry it out and plenty of working moms wouldn’t dream of it. So stop with the generalizations.[/quote]

If you didn't do CIO because you had to get up for work the next day, then the post was not directed at you. I wasn't generalizing -- I was addressing the post directly above the response (which is a common excuse for CIO).[/quote]

Dp. I’m a working parent who didn’t have to do cio, but I would have at least tried it. Why?  Because I’m a human being who needs sleep, regardless of jobs and babies. I know you don’t view mothers as people, but that’s your warped view of motherhood that, thank goodness, most people don’t share. [/quote]

People have been waking up in the night to deal with crying babies for literally an eternity. For some reason some parents now think it's asking too much of them as "people" to do that for their own offspring. That's what's warped.[/quote]

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