Reply to Boyfriend is NOT a planner- do you have this dynamic?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is stressful. You're asking him to step up into a role he isn't good at or doesn't have interest in being good at. And now you're in the position where you're trying to manipulate the situation to try and let him feel the "consequences" of his actions. It has a small chance of working, but an even bigger chance of you finding out just how much less of a big deal this is to you than it is to him. I do 100% of the planning and booking because I'm good at it and enjoy it. And this ensures everything is to my liking. If there are times when I don't want to do this, I just say so and leave it be. Or narrow down and get input on the final decisions cause I've done enough. Not be upset if it doesn't get done or get done to my liking. You can keep down the current path of trying to shift a situation/person into what you want it to be but this rarely works out well. I don't have all the answers, but that seems like a poor choice.[/quote]

Is it because he isn't good at it? Or is it he's putting in low effort into the relationship?[/quote]

It's definitely just not his thing. Cooking isn't mine, but he loves it so he takes care of meals and packs my lunches. He's also a very neat person and is on top of cleaning, laundry etc often before I even get a chance. We understand we excel in different areas and are ok letting the other person handle that stuff. This may not work for people where an exact 50/50 on everything is important but we're pretty content.[/quote]

I can see how this might work in a marriage, but in a dating situation, if he is off the hook for all "planning" (e.g., vacations, dates, activities), because he's supposedly not good at it, what is he actually contributing to the relationship? I assume he's not doing chores or paying bills if they're not living together. So OP is driving the whole boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.[/quote]

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