Reply to How to drop the rope re mental load?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, so you make more money. Honestly, did you settle because you were getting older and panicky? And now you are realizing not a good match?

I repeat my earlier advice - have some good steamy sex. If that also sucks, then its going to be hard to adjust your attitude[/quote]

The exact opposite. Been together since college.

The traits that Were  exciting to me then, I now view as unstable 
The quirks that were curious to me then, I now view as liabilities
The niggling doubts I had then, I now realize were red flags

I am simply not the same person I was at 21.  [/quote]

When did you get married? At 21? You seem like you want someone to blame for your frustrations, but the examples you give don't seem like a huge problem. My guess is that you are struggling with a realization of mediocrity and looking for someone to blame. You married the guy and had kids with him. Find a way to improve the situations. Divorcing because someone asks about milk is not going to help you or your kids or anyone else. [/quote]

Married at 28. Here are my other frustrations beyond milK
- dh is probably an alcoholic 
- was underemployed by choice for years. Refused to apply for jobs bc they were beneath him. Wanted to hold out for a dream job. As I begged him to take something for income because I was holding down the bills for years as the only consistent income
- dh has a dysfunctional family of origin situation  that he refuses to acknowledge. The more dysfunctional it is, the more he Leans in.
- dh is not emotionally stable. The highs are high and the lows are low.

Reasons 1, 3, and 4…I saw glimpses of during our dating years. But I didn’t want to see them.  Also, in your 20s drinking a little too much seems like a fun time. Higher highs compared to my pretty stable personality seemed quirky different and a little exciting.  I didn’t have the life experience or wisdom to appreciate the impact of family drama or dysfunction.

I simply have different perspective 15 years later. Older, wiser, no room or patience for bs with young kids.

If we met at 35, This wouid have never progressed.

Reasons [/quote]

Well you certainly buried the lede then. It is odd that you wouldn't mention these issues, and instead focus on the milk. [/quote]

This is it. It’s never about the milk.[/quote]

Yup women always bury the lede

With guys you need to be direct

I'd want my wife to say along the lines of hey let's talk about something.  When you ask about x when you are standing right by something it makes me feel belittled, undervalued whatever.  Can you see that?  What are you going through in that situation?

P.S. Reflective Listening sounds cheesy but it saved our marriage

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-couple-healed-their-dysfunctional-marriage-through-active-listening-ncna101429[/quote]

I thought I expressed how it makes me feel when we talked about it later. I'll bring it up again at some point and use those specific words.  Will also read the link= thank you.[/quote]

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