Reply to How to drop the rope re mental load?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, so you make more money. Honestly, did you settle because you were getting older and panicky? And now you are realizing not a good match?

I repeat my earlier advice - have some good steamy sex. If that also sucks, then its going to be hard to adjust your attitude[/quote]

The exact opposite. Been together since college.

The traits that Were  exciting to me then, I now view as unstable 
The quirks that were curious to me then, I now view as liabilities
The niggling doubts I had then, I now realize were red flags

I am simply not the same person I was at 21.  [/quote]

When did you get married? At 21? You seem like you want someone to blame for your frustrations, but the examples you give don't seem like a huge problem. My guess is that you are struggling with a realization of mediocrity and looking for someone to blame. You married the guy and had kids with him. Find a way to improve the situations. Divorcing because someone asks about milk is not going to help you or your kids or anyone else. [/quote]

Married at 28. Here are my other frustrations beyond milK
- dh is probably an alcoholic 
- was underemployed by choice for years. Refused to apply for jobs bc they were beneath him. Wanted to hold out for a dream job. As I begged him to take something for income because I was holding down the bills for years as the only consistent income
- dh has a dysfunctional family of origin situation  that he refuses to acknowledge. The more dysfunctional it is, the more he Leans in.
- dh is not emotionally stable. The highs are high and the lows are low.

Reasons 1, 3, and 4…I saw glimpses of during our dating years. But I didn’t want to see them.  Also, in your 20s drinking a little too much seems like a fun time. Higher highs compared to my pretty stable personality seemed quirky different and a little exciting.  I didn’t have the life experience or wisdom to appreciate the impact of family drama or dysfunction.

I simply have different perspective 15 years later. Older, wiser, no room or patience for bs with young kids.

If we met at 35, This wouid have never progressed.

Reasons [/quote]

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