Reply to MILs only -- and only if you do not like your DIL -- why?

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't have a MIL (died the first year we were married), but I will say that my mother is a great MIL and both my husband and my brother's wife get along really great with her. So if you're worried about being a bad MIL down the road, perhaps her approach might help you:

1) She's very aware of the potential for overstepping. Never comes over uninvited, always respectful, always follows instructions from the parents on how to care for the grandkids. In fact, I had to intervene when my nephew (the oldest) was born - mom didn't want to impose, so was sitting home waiting for invites to come over, and my brother and SIL didn't want to be constantly asking for help, so they were being really judicious in when they asked my mom to come over. I stepped in and was like "guys - don't worry about it - mom is DYING to come over more" and my brother reached out and said "you are super helpful, come whenever you want, just give us a day's notice. We'll tell you if it's not a good time" and then mom came all the time and everyone was happy.

2) She's SUPER helpful. Offers to babysit. Takes the kids for a full weekend a few times a year. Rearranged her schedule to watch my niblings every Friday (she still works) for years. If you're having a party, she's doing dishes, watching the kids and keeping them safe, bringing all the wine. She just jumps in for whatever you need.

3) She does not offer unsolicited parenting advice. This despite the fact that all her grandkids are being raised pretty differently on some of the "classic" stuff than we were - even though it was the 80s, she was basically an attachment parent - breastfed exclusively, was up in the night with us for years, couldn't stomach any CIO, no schedules, follow the kids lead. Whereas both my brother and I are raising our kids with formula, schedules, and CIO. But mom is supportive no matter what. [/quote]

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