Reply to MILs only -- and only if you do not like your DIL -- why?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know anyone who has these kinds of MIL problems.  I know plenty of people who don't get along with their MIL, though most are polite.  I don't know anyone in real life whose mother insists on a 1 day trip to Cali or a 5 minute screaming session or calling names.  You are either exaggerating, not paying attention to the folks who don't talk about their MIL much, or need new friends.  Most people don't have this drama!  The conflict that I see are more along the lines of inlaws really want to see the kids for a holiday, but the parents don't want to travel, and people by and large end up working that kind of stuff out.[/quote]

Same.  I don't know anyone who has these horrible types of relationships that are written about here and I have a wide circle of friends and colleagues.  We all talk about family so it isn't as though someone is hiding something.  Most of the disagreements, if that is the right word, is about holiday time, who is going to travel to whom, and when.  Which, in a way, is a good thing to have a conflict about because it means the grands want to see the kids, and that's what is important to me.  My kids can't have enough people love them so I'm willing to bend over backwards to make sure they get lots of contact with their grandparents.[/quote]

It’s interesting, most of my friends have had similar experiences to, with a rough patch or two but then you kind of reach a new path forward. I think my MIL is disappointed with the level of relationship she has with both her kids and it’s easier emotionally to blame the spouses than admit this is what your child wants. My MIL hates that we live several hours away from her but close to my family- that’s the root of everything and I can understand that. In her mind it’s me keeping her soon away selfishly, discounting the fact that the DC area is the best for my DH career and he’s never liked the city they live near (refused to even apply to college there before he ever met me). But really she just to tell herself that he wishes he was closer to her, he wishes he saw them more. I can live with it now that she is polite to my face. I’m sure she has to idea how much I’ve done to facilitate trips to see them and how much of our time off we spend going to them. Since COVID it’s been both simpler and sad; she’s just a germaphobe she can’t stand to be near almost anyone. We did a few trips where we stayed elsewhere and saw them outside or wearing masks but they won’t come to us and freak out if our youngest sneezes. My husband is basically at the point he can’t take it anymore and I’m following his lead. The kids don’t miss them which is sad in it’s own way. I don’t really know where we go from here, to be honest.[/quote]

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