Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As my grandparents would say, “it’s adult business”. There is no reason to share with kids.

Also, the men have no reason to stray if they are getting their sexual needs met at home. Just saying….[/quote]

+1.

This very recently developed impulse to tell children every intimate detail of your adult life is so gross. Grow up and have some self respect.  [/quote]

“Just sayin’ “ is the cheating lady. Such a trashy expression. Adults that put their needs before their children.  Then get caught and want everyone to keep their secrets. The truth is many kids find evidence themselves.  By age 8/9, they know what’s going on.  And teens, forget it.  They are more tech savvy than their louse cheating parent.

That said, if the kids knew nothing, I would not tell them ever if I were reconciling.  Ever.

If the cheating mom or dad was divorcing/leaving because of the affair, I wouldn’t directly say they were banging someone else.  However, if they were older teens/adults and point blank asked because of high suspicion.  I wouldn’t deny, but I wouldn’t give elaborate details.  Teaching kids to hide secrets and lie is what comes of that.[/quote]

The urge to tell to tell the kids comes from an ignoble and selfish motive - namely, the desire to punish the other parent and make the kids hate the other parent as much as you do. That’s not putting the kids first either. If it takes some degree of “dishonesty” and “secret keeping” to be effective coparents then that’s what you should do.[/quote]

Ridiculous. I’m the PP whose DH learned about his father’s cheating in a middle school cafeteria. Hiding the cheating from him was incredibly selfish (something his mother did at his father’s request in the divorce).  His father’s selfish desire to hide the truth led to devastating consequences for DH.

It is perfectly possible to share the truth in an age-appropriate but truthful manner, and it’s better to be honest. [/quote]

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