Reply to How do I shut down toxic positivity from friends in a nice way?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I had a similar situation with friends during my divorce. One of them always told that my ExH and I would not even divorce and will always be together. While I was fighting him in courts.

I just told them the topic of my divorce is off the table and I didn’t want to discuss anything related to him with my friends.

OP, how did you manage to marry such a guy ? I would work with a therapist addressing the issues that made you marry him in the first place. [/quote]

Curious, would you suggest to a woman who was raped to work with a therapist to address the issues that made the guy rape her?[/quote]
That is a really odd analogy. [/quote]

It is not an odd analogy.

If I beat you up, it's not your fault for not taking a karate class since age 6, although that sure would help avoid the situation.
If I get into your house and steal your valuables, it's not your fault for not having triple alarms and 5 pitbulls around, although that sure would help avoid the situation.

All this therapy talk is women trying to tell themselves that this would never happen to them, because they are somehow immune - they did not grow up with abusive parents or whatever it us that they think protects them. The only thing that can protect you is the ability to walk away, which is what OP is already doing.  No need to pile up.[/quote]

If you have a party and invite the convict from next door who was just released from prison for theft, what do you think will happen? Sure, random burglaries happen, but if you invite a thief into your home, you're going to get robbed. OP made a CHOICE of who to marry. She wasn't randomly assigned some guy. She picked him, and she picked him for a reason, probably a reason unknown to her. She can figure that part out. Don't be stupid PP.[/quote]

Good grief. It’s almost like you’re intentionally leaning into being stupid. Abusers don’t have signs that they’re abusers. It’s not like the movies. They often are supremely charming, seem kind, are good looking and seem successful. Smarten up. One of the reasons child abusers often get away with it for so long is that idiots think all child abusers fit some creepy stereotype when in fact, they often seem like the “nice guy”. 
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