Reply to Regret asking my mom to “help”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband was in an awful accident a few weeks back and is finally back home recovering. He needs a lot of care, kids are off school and I’m back to work.. I’ve hired help and was managing ok, but my mom kept offering to come help and when my husband got out of the hospital I agreed, thinking it would be good to have help with the kids in particular. She got tickets for a month and flew in from overseas.

The problem is she does… nothing. She’s not from here and won’t leave the house without me so can’t pick up kids, take them out, go to the grocery.. I suggested she go with the nanny a few times so she learns how things work but she sleeps in till 9 and shows no initiative. If I ask her something very specific she may do it, but none of the cooking or child care I imagined is happening. At this point I’m 1000x more stressed by her being here than I would have been because I’m honestly so annoyed.

Help? She is very sensitive and will not take it well if I say something. 3 more weeks to go and I may just suck it up and pretend she’s not here… [b]I’m beating myself up because in retrospect I should have seen this coming, I was just so desperate for “help” and forgot this is how she’s like.[/quote][/b]

So, she cooks, cleans and gardens at home, yet you somehow suspected it might be like this? [/quote]

Yes, she’s visited before and not been helpful. And she’s narcissistic in the sense that she loves attention and to be able to tell her friends how she dropped everything to come “help”. I didn’t think it would be this bad though, given it’s not a regular visit and we’re in a crazy situation here that she insisted to come help with. So I thought somehow she’d put herself aside and actually help, I guess. I should have know better but here we are…

Today she 
- got out of bed at 10
- sat on her phone until lunch
- after lunch put her plates and the rest of the food on the kitchen counter and walked back to her phone
- suggested my oldest take the dog out after dinner (which he does but this is what she wouldn’t do herself because it’s too dark out..)
- now watching TV all night

When I asked she did help me carry a chair into my husbands room and that’s it for today.

OP - now getting a second glass of wine 🍷 
[/quote]

Just send her home. Now. This is ridiculous.  The leaving of the plates on the counter would make me go nuclear. Who is she expecting will take care of her dishes?[/quote]
+1. This a level of patheticness. I’d explode my relationship over that. And I did - I kicked my MIL out of my house for this type of reason (after she texted me from the third floor to bring her water from downstairs, even though I ws the one who was not supposed to be climbing stairs after a c section. Lots of stuff before but this was the straw that broke the camels back)

Don’t blow up. Be direct and calm. Tell her that you would love for her to visit another time but that this is a crisis and you can’t take care of her right now and she isn’t helping. She needs to go tomorrow. Then go. She will tantrum about it but that is it. [/quote]

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