Reply to OP from an earlier thread back with an update.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP. H wanted to talk and outlined an entire plan how he'll move out, come over to help in the evenings, get into therapy and treatment, build a support system, etc. Great.

Then he added, "but if we get back together, I need to know that if I screw up again, I can tell you and you won't get angry and kick me out again. Otherwise I'll end up lying to you so you don't get mad".

Wut. I feel like the dentist kid - "Is this real life?" That it's my fault if he lies because he doesn't want to be held accountable?[/quote]

The answer to this is, “I’m not willing to discuss anything about getting back together right now.  Right now we are discussing separating.” Repeated ad nauseum until he is out of the house.

Honestly, I hear what your DH says often in relation to the developmental ages when they learn about lying and telling the truth.

He is right in one sense - you have to learn to control your behavior when interacting with him.  It’s OK to be mad, but it’s not OK to yell.

But, he has to recognize that marriages are built on truth and accountability and that you have a fundamental right to know the truth of your marriage and make your decisions accordingly.  No one owes any promised reaction.[/quote]

OP. He basically wants free license to screw up and have my word I won’t kick him out or end things or enforce any sort of consequence. Which is ridiculous, obviously.

He’s offered to come over every evening to cook dinner, clean, take care of the dogs…to finally be functional. Part of me wants to take him up on it just to feel like I’ve gotten *something* out of this whole disaster. I know it won’t last, but even 2 weeks of house cleaning and meals sounds awesome. [/quote]

The reason to take him up on it is not to “get something out of it” it is to document that you made every opportunity to facilitate/ in no way impeded his relationship with the kids.  Once he realizes you’re not coming back he’s going to get nasty and accuse you of trying to keep the kids from him— a file of saved screenshots of you enabling access and him flaking out will be useful. [/quote]

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