Reply to I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage

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Reply to "I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think your feelings are pretty normal and I do not think you are a terrible person, at all.  You are owning your mistake, it sounds like you are a good mom even if you don't enjoy it, and you are trying to find a way to make things better.

Here's the thing: [b]you get to decide what being a "good enough mom" to your kids looks like, OP.  Not your DH[/b], not society, and not other moms.  You owe your kids safety, security, and love.  The rest is gravy.

Your kids are old enough that you can pull them into stuff you like to do.  I hate pretend play and I hate volunteering at school/sports teams.  But, I love hiking and cooking, and have gotten both of my kids into it as well.

If your DH thinks that only particular activities count as parenting, let him do those things.

[/quote]

Not exactly.  There is a partnership in parenthood.  Just like you wouldn’t support, say, a workaholic dad who completely checked out and left all the kid stuff to mom, so should we have expectations for the mom even if she regrets motherhood and doesn’t like being a mom.  We are only hearing her side of things.  She can’t leave it all to him, even if she can agree that the suggestions like volunteering don’t work for her.  That includes quality time activities, and there needs to be a give and take so it all isn’t falling on dad - and especially if the kids are picking up on the fact that mom is regretting parenthood.

There’s a lot we don’t know about the real family dynamics going on here.[/quote]

Clearly you didn't understand what PP was saying so I'll break it down for you. She doesn't HAVE to play board games and volunteer at the school to be a good mom. SHE gets to decide what kind of mother she wants to be. [b]Maybe she loves to bake and can include them in that. Maybe she loves photography and wants to teach them that. Motherhood can look a million different ways.[/b][/quote]

That sounds like exactly what OP’s husband is doing - suggesting ways to be more involved in the kids’ lives the same way you just did.[/quote]

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