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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I never picked up the rope. My husband was always in charge of his parents. I’m pretty sure they haven’t received but one or two Christmas gifts in the last 17 years. Oh well. Not my problem. [/quote]

I also never picked up the rope. My DH does remember cards, flowers, gifts, birthdays, etc., for both his parents and his sister and her family. He does work with his parents and sister to plan visits and holidays and vacations, and we see my ILs about the same as my family.

The one thing my husband doesn't do to his family's satisfaction is call or FT with the kids. MIL and FIL have wheedled me about this, but I told FIL to his face that I am not DH's secretary, and if they want the son they raised to call more, they should ask him directly. But they don't ask directly, they just whine and guilt trip like "oh, we thought you forgot our phone number, what a nice surprise that you called," and DH doesn't fall for that. The last time MIL whined to me about it, I told her what I sometimes say to my own parents: "The phone rings both ways." Both my parents and my ILs act like kids must initiate the call or OMG abandonment, and I don't play that game. I call my parents once or twice a week, regularly, but if I forget a week they just don't call me and try to guilt trip. Nope! The phone rings both ways: if I don't call you and you want to talk? [b]Call.[/b][/quote]

np The only thing I would add is you are busier than they are and they probably don't want to call you if you are in the middle of work/making dinner/going to ballet/soccer camp etc.  Also, why I agree the son should take the lead [b]I also think that it is sad that there is such a division with "his" and "her" family.    When you marry you should consider both sides "family" and figure out a way to include and be involved[/b].   [/quote]

... except that no one is saying this to men - only to women.  How often do men initiate social events with their ILs, send gifts or cards, etc.?

~Mother of two sons[/quote]
Few, if any, men have any interest in spending time with our IL’s. It’s a chore that we sometimes do, but if we never had to do it again, we’d be thrilled.

And, I agree that it’s unfair that women seem to have societal pressure to maintain a relationship with parents.[/quote]

Do you think it’s about interest in spending time time with our in-laws?  :roll:

For many women it is not because we have an “interest”; it is about familial duty and obligation. I have no interest in spending time with my in-laws but recognize that it’s a necessary part of maintaining family relationships (most especially for our kids). Women don’t manage these things because we want to spend time with our husbands families, we do it because it’s a chore that needs to be done.

We don’t have an “interest” in grocery shopping either, but it needs to be done.

Why do only women feel the societal pressure? Why don’t you feel that pressure, given that it is your family?[/quote]
PP. You don’t need to do any of it. I told my wife early on, I don’t care about anyone’s birthdays other than our nuclear family’s. It took her a while to accept it, because she’d been brainwashed early on by her family. Eventually she got it.

Grocery shopping is necessary, because your family needs to eat. Sending birthday cards or Christmas gifts to some narcissistic Baby Boomers is not.[/quote]

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