Reply to AITA for thinking bride is heinous?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Resign. I can't believe this is a question. Have a backbone. [/quote]
Normally, I have an iron backbone but because I know she’s going to make the stakes “MOH and do everything I say OR back to estrangment” I’ve been trying to be patient with her. The kind of person who uses estrangement to control relationships probably isn’t worth having around TBF. I think I’m putting too much emphasis on her being family.[/quote]

You definitely are do you even like her? She sounds like a horrible person. [/quote]
I‘m a lot older than she is and I think I still have a soft spot for the kid she was. We spent a lot of time together as kids. I don’t like very much of the adult she’s become, but she had me going for a while there with talk about how she’s been in therapy and wants us to have a new, different, healthy relationship. She hasn’t been able to hold the act together and the old/real her is slipping out more and more.[/quote]

OP, new poster here. I get it. I think you were trying to do your best, tried to keep her expectations for you low and controlled, and then you got sucked in, and put so much stock in the family relationship you got mired in her mess. It happens but it's not irreversible.

I read your various update posts. Don't wait for her to "fire" you! Bow out ASAP so she can find another MOH.  "I noticed you mentioned in the group text 'when' the bachelorette party would be. Remember, I said clearly that I won't be planning one, so unless you know for sure that one of the bridesmaids is planning one, there is NO party in progress. I need you to understand that, so there is no confusion. In fact, I am going to ask Dress-less Bridesmaid if she would like to take the dress I've already purchased and have it altered to fit her, so your wedding party will match, and I am going to bow out as maid of honor. I hope you'll still want me to attend as a guest, but if not, I understand. I don't have a second dress in my budget for this, and as I told you months ago, I don't have time or bandwidth to plan a bachelorette party, and both seem to be extremely important to you. I hope the bridesmaids can meet the expectations and that the wedding goes well. (If she gets upset, you add:) When you first talked to me about this, you said you were working on having a new, different, healthy relationship. I would embrace that, but the wedding demands being made do not indicate a healthy relationship. So I'm stepping back. I really do wish you well."  (Because you do, right? It's sad that she's being so awful but let's hope she chills out after this oh so intense wedding mania.)

OP, do you have to see her throughout the year? If not, I would not sweat her anger. But as an early PP noted, maybe give your folks a clear heads-up so they can be aware, if cousin's parents hear nasty things about you from cousin. If she trash talks you to other family members, is that an issue for you? Just saying that you should be ready to hear that she's badmouthing you for a long time to come.

Also in my own shoes if I were close to cousin's parents I would suck up a lot more than if I were not close to them. Is that a factor for you? I would not necessarily let that make me stay--no one should tolerate her behavior. But it would influence me at least to give a clear heads-up to my parents and to hers if we were close. [/quote]
Thank you, PP. I never need to see her because we have literally no one in common. She doesn’t talk to a single soul in our family and we have no friends or acquaintances in common. I hope it doesn’t come to full estrangement, but ball’s in her court on that. I can’t maintain a relationship by myself.[/quote]

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