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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]….how do you manage not repeating this with you own kids?

FTR I don’t hit my kids. But I will admit to sometimes being so filled with rage when they are being especially difficult that I get overwhelmed with the urge to do what I experienced as a kid. I always manage to fight it off but it is hard. Harder than I think it should be.

Anyone else in similar shoes? If you were beaten (whatever your own definition of corporal punishment is and your own line of what’s acceptable) do you have a hard time avoiding a repeat of the past? [/quote]

I was spanked as a child. Probably 3 times. However, my parents were never in rage when spanking me. Usually, we would have a long conversation beforehand about what I did. I remember one night we had a long conversation at the table and I thought I was getting spanked that night, but my dad said they were too upset so we would postpone for the next day. [b]Honestly, the worst part about spanking in my experiences was the long conversation before and after[/b] you got spanked. I always felt an embarrassment of how what I did was just so wrong. My spankings were always for serious offenses. [b]I don't think I will spank my kids, but I wonder how I can get my children to have remorse about doing super wrong things[/b]. The one distinct spanking I remember was that in elementary school I stole one of my tests from a teacher so they couldn't report my grade and lied about it until one of my friends finally told the truth. It had gone on for weeks and I had lied in so many ways I started forgetting my lies. Today I wouldn't spank my child b/c of how society views spanking and because I am an extremely soft person. I think if I got spanked for random stuff here and there I would resent my parents.  [/quote]

You answered your own question here.

Kids desperately want the love and approval of their parents. Feeling a parents' disappointment in you is deeply painful. Spanking honestly confuses this issue. When kids do very wrong, it is really not hard to impress upon them why it's not okay, especially if you have been raising them with good values all along.

I'll tell you what is hard, though. When you hit your kids and then one day they get in trouble for hitting someone else and look at you and say, "Why is it okay when you do it but not when I do it?" Sure, parents who spank will have some line about how they are spanking out of a sense of responsibility blah blah blah, but kids (especially teenagers) are BS detectors and won't buy it.

Never do something to your kid that you don't want them doing to someone else. Especially not something smaller and more helpless. You don't want your kids hitting younger siblings? Don't hit them. You don't want them beating up on friends? Don't hit them. You don't want them to hit your eventual grandchildren? Don't hit them.

This is not rocket science, and I can't believe we are still having this conversation in 2022.[/quote]

I understand. But I don't view my parents as horrible people. I also don't think I would have felt bad if they said "No tv for 3 months". I know b/c those were often my punishments and it just doesn't hit the same. I get what you are saying, but I don't think a spanking or two is going to kill a kid. I've never hit my sibling or anyone else. What's weird is I am an extremely soft person...not sure how that happened. I won't spank b/c I am just way too soft but I also don't feel I lacked in love. This conversation is always weird to me b/c people have every right to discipline their kids how they want.[/quote]

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