Reply to What is happening- drinking problem?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, I am a woman who drank too much for several years. DH had no idea bc I hid it. I drank in my car, in my home office while on late day calls, in the bathroom, the garage, etc. Id even be drinking cocktails at home while with DH while watching movies and he never caught on. I would either “hide” the empties in the trash (wrap the bottles in trash so they werent visible) or hide them someone for the evening and deal with them the next day.

What you are explaining sounds like your husband may be doing the same and what you are finding is forgotten evidence.[/quote]

Thank you for sharing. What I can't wrap my head around is that how would I not notice he is tipsy/drunk? I can tell when he's had 2-3 beers, his voice slightly changes and he loosens up a bit. I can't imagine him drinking hard alcohol and me not noticing. Obviously I'm aware this is likely happening. How did you hide that or how did your DH not notice?

I do think the pepermint schnapps was an intentional choice because since I had kids, the smell of alcohol makes me so nauseous for some reason and I'm like HYPER aware of it.[/quote]

OP, I’m a NP also in recovery. I’ll say, it was never my goal to get drunk. I *hated* the feeling of being drunk. Many people who drink drink as a form of self medication, and “drunk” isn’t the goal, but there are occasions where you end up drunk because you try to drink in available windows and it ends up being more than you anticipated or on an empty stomach, or whatever. Your DH is likely only drinking enough to keep the edge off whatever he’s feeling, or trying not to feel. That’s why you don’t notice, unless he goes overboard. Unfortunately, at this stage in the game, when he’s probably drinking all day, a lot of what he’s feeling is actually anxiety fuelled by the alcohol itself. He’s likely frightened of the withdrawal - it really becomes a vicious circle. I’m not excusing it, but at this point, the “choice” of it all feels out of his hands.

He sounds like he’s in the careless phase, where he is so consumed with drinking, access to drinking, wondering when he can drink, how he can get it, what to do with the evidence, etc. that he’s getting sloppy. It’s a sign this has been going on a long time.

He’s long gone. If you corner him, he will likely lie, or he may tell you a partial truth. Hopefully he will feel relieved that you know finally, and seek help. What that looks like is up to you. 
[/quote]

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