Reply to Why Men Cheat - How Can I Break This Cycle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Women are not wired to get aroused by the same man for more than a decade. You and she have to find ways to feel more sexual overall. I don’t judge your affairs, OP. I know it’s hard to feel dead inside and then a fling makes you feel alive again. It’s hard. But I think you and your wife have a lot of really hard work to do. It’ll be worth it because you’ll both grow old soon. [/quote]

BS. I know a lot of women who are still very attracted to their husbands after a decade. I am. I think many men don’t know how to open up emotionally and give their wives the emotional intimacy that leads to lasting attraction. Many men are self-centered and oblivious to what women do, and after however many years of giving and giving women shut down. But that is not how women are wired. All this stuff about sex drive going down is just not true. If anything for many women it goes up due to more confidence and self knowledge.[/quote]

This would make sense... EXCEPT for the fact that she was "wired" to sleep with him 24-7 in the beginning of the relationship when he brought less to the table.[/quote]

You’re mixing a lot of things up. The beginning of the relationship — you mean when neither of you had kids or responsibilities? Of course life is going to be different ten or twenty years in.

For most women sexual desire is responsive and contextual. [b]A man who knows what turns a woman on can get her there easily, it’s not about age or novelty.[/b] I guess I must be lucky because my husband knows. He has put in the work to really learn, so actually I feel even more desire for him now than at the beginning of our relationship. Maybe the guys on here saying it’s just factors beyond my control are lazy and clueless about what women want.[/quote]

Man here, I partially agree but the bolded is the key. I am divorced, and it's really not hard to turn a woman on when you are new and shiny to her. The amount of effort I have to put in to have an amazing night of passion is low. With my ex-wife, I could put in 10x the work and maybe, if the stars were aligned, we would be intimate.

You really underestimate the power of novelty for most women.

And while I am not suggesting there aren't a million benefits to marriage that make it worth sticking it out, and sacrificing a passionate love life to get there, you aren't going to convince many men who are otherwise attractive and successful that married sex life is a fraction as easy or as good as being single was.[/quote]
This guy gets it. Novelty is incredibly powerful for me. Maybe try role playing, OP?[/quote]

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