Reply to Why Men Cheat - How Can I Break This Cycle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
The common thread I have seen on DCUM is a husband wants to have more sex than his wife and so he wants his wife to change to accommodate that. How often are women told we can’t change men?[/quote]

I think most men would be fine with the women wanting as much as she wanted 10 years ago. They don't need her to want it more than before, just the same as before.[/quote]

I think that’s fine and wholly reasonable if the woman’s life looks like it did ten years ago.

Had a baby, never got decent pelvic floor care, sex is painful? It didn’t hurt ten years ago.

Had another baby, DH isn’t pulling his weight? She felt like she had an actual partner ten heads ago.

Never had the opportunity to regain her pre-children body? She felt like a more sexual being ten years ago.

Many husbands were more attractive to their wives ten years ago. They were attentive and fun. They cared about maintaining their wives attraction to them.  Create the conditions for sexuality to succeed even if it means sacrifice, IMO it’s worth it.[/quote]

Life happens, people change and our spouse simply must accept this is just how it goes. Some lose interest in sex, others lose interest in monogamy.[/quote]

And successful marriages change to accommodate the changes life throws at us. Only failed marriages “lose interest” in monogamy, though some successful couples choose other paths— together. [/quote]

I reject the hypocritical position that *only* a lost interest in sex is to be accommodated. Either *both* lost interests are acceptable, or neither are acceptable.[/quote]

I mean, at the end of the day, sex is an act that needs two yesses. It’s not a guarantee, it’s not a right, and it’s not a need. It’s why when someone cheats on their husband who has cancer people rush to condemn her, not agree that she was being denied her rights.

A lost interest in sex can be rekindled when people are willing to make the actual effort. Effort that is more than loading the dishwasher once, making a dinner reservation, buying a sex you.  OP isn’t. Others don’t believe they should have to. They prefer the lazy dishonesty of infidelity.

I wouldn’t be able to rekindle sex in someone that lazy either. In a good marriage the partner finds ways to make the environment conducive to sex— unselfishness and interest in your partners desires (sexual and otherwise) also correlate strongly with being good in bed.

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