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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does everyone think the OP is a female?[/quote]

So, OP, come back and tell us: Man or woman? 
Still in contact with the ex-AP? 
What did improving your marriage look like--couples counseling etc. or just giving up AP? Asking seriously, OP, not with snark. [/quote]

I haven’t read this whole thread yet but I’m grateful for everyone’s thoughts and feedback. Still in contact, AP is in a new serious relationship. AP’s new partner is fully aware we talk occasionally.

I’ve just discovered it came from an extreme desire to keep my family intact - like I went on a deluded mission to make my marriage better and that would be enough. I really desperately want it to be but I am having severe physical and mental health issues that are directly related to this breakup/what it requires to be functional in my marriage. I just figured this out in therapy. I thought I was handling it well but I was in a weird denial that therapy broke. I ended things. I am 100% sure they still love me.[/quote]

I'm sorry to say this but if you are having "severe physical and mental health issues that are directly related to this breakup" then you have severe physical and mental health issues ANYWAY. There is no such thing as a mentally healthy person who has a permanent breakdown over a lost relationship. There is something deeply wrong with you if you can't be normal and happy without one very specific romantic relationship. People go through lives dealing with breakups all the time - including breakups with people they were madly in love with. It doesn't permanently break them.[/quote]

And the need to butt into and mess up yet another one of his serious relationships.  If he marries this one, will u start screwing him again? You sound like you have some sick need to keep him under your thumb and not allow him to be happy with someone else.  This is VERY controlling.  You need to fire your therapist, btw.  She sounds like another quack enabler, telling u what u want to hear so you’ll keep coming back and paying her.

She should  smack you across the face and tell you to get your head out of the clouds and to get your sh@t together.[/quote]

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