Reply to How to speak with my daughter about my grandchild

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am a career nanny and I have worked with several kids on the autism spectrum and your daughter and SIL are unfortunately typical.

A large part of early diagnosis is parent surveys and if they are in denial about the behaviors your grandchild won't be diagnosable until she is old enough for it to show up on other kinds of testing.

In my experience, with people like this, bringing it up backfires because then when school finally mentions it, the parents won’t tell you about it because they think you are biased.  My advice would be to hold your tongue about doctors and therapies and diagnoses and instead do two things:

1) Document behavior you see that leads you to think there is an issue.  Don’t tell the parents, just take notes after visits and if there are things that seem off keep track.  She has a 20-minute meltdown?  Who was there, what was happening, what set her off, what did everyone do before/during/after, how did she display the tantrum, how did she eventually calm down?  I[b]f she has ASD, at some point she is likely to be treated and when that happens you can email the notes to the specialist treating her.  It will help with a faster diagnosis of exactly what is going on.  You can tell the parents you are doing this without telling them how long you have been taking notes.[/b]

2) Start researching schools in your area that are geared to ASD kids but also have a sizeable population of mainstream students.  If she has ASD, she will not be able to function in a typical classroom past Kindergarten.  At that point, her parents will either come to grips with the reality of the situation or double down.  It will be better for her if you can suggest some schools to transfer to that might accommodate her even if her parents don’t think she needs accommodations.  You can tell them “this school is really great for kids who need a lot of activity!” Without expressly stating that Needing a lot of sensory input to regulate is a symptom of her diagnosis.[/quote]

This is an outrageous violation of the family's privacy that I am stunned you are suggesting this. Any professional would report this to the parents and ignore it. They could be sued if they used any of this information and they know it is unethical to use this unsolicited information.

Further showing you have no clue is your statement " If she has ASD, she will not be able to function in a typical classroom past Kindergarten." This is so patently false. You are clueless and if any parent hired you and knew you were suggesting this and they had a child on spectrum, you would be fired.

What disgusts me the most about your post and op's are the dishonest, manipulative attempts to insert someone in to this who is not the parent and has no right. You are suggesting sneaky, underhanded, dishonest ways of involving yourselves where you do not belong.

You are awful people.[/quote]

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