Reply to How to speak with my daughter about my grandchild

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a tough case. If you had a good relationship with your daughter and she didn't default to being defensive, I would figure out a way to (sensitively) bring your concerns. But it seems pretty clear that's not going to go well.

So - one out of the box idea -[b] can you find out their pediatrician's name? Call them, say you are a family member of Larla Jones, and you are very concerned about her behaviors and would like to flag them, anonymously, for the doctor. Obviously, they can't say anything to you because of HIPPA,[/b] they won't even confirm that they are Larla's doctors. But they can listen and take notes. Be prepared with factual bullet points, not opinions. So, not "I'm worried she has autism. She seems off and doesn't connect well with others." But rather: "I frequently observe Larla with other children her age. She never initiates any interaction. When other children attempt to interact with her, she either ignores them, or gets angry and stomps away. This is a consistent pattern I have observed every time, and I've been there for more than 10 different gatherings. She will not make eye contact with me for more than a fleeting second, despite me being well known to her."

Once she starts school, you can do the same with her teachers.

The teachers and the doctor will NOT talk to you - don't try to engage them in any back-and-forth, don't request anything like an evaluation as you have no authority to do so. But you can talk, and they will listen, and then they will know to pay special attention to these concerns, and will be more likely to flag this. Your daughter will be much more likely to listen to them than you, and it won't harm your relationship - she'll never be the wiser.

For the record, I usually wouldn't ever support going behind someone's back. But this isn't for your daughter - it's for your granddaughter. [/quote]

That would be such a violation of my family boundaries that grandma would be cut off. What a horrible suggestion. I know people who did exactly this. It is a Hippa violation if they admit the grandchild is a patient. [/quote]

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