Reply to Man I’m dating constantly rescues 21 yr old daughter

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[quote=Anonymous]Based on your original post OP, you are negatively affected both in small and large ways by your BF coddling his adult daughter.

This will not change. Ever. It will continue throughout her life, it will eventually encompass any children she has, and your BF will continue his behavior until he dies.

The best thing you can do is disengage from anything and everything to do with her.  You can read up about disengagement tactics.

The most important thing is do not announce that you are disengaging - just slowly but surely extricate yourself from any dealings with BF/daughter's relationship.

If your BF wants to talk about her or her problems/demands, change the subject, make a non-committal remark (Mmm hmm... or...  Oh that's too bad.) or else leave the room and go to the bathroom.

If there is a visit or activity planned with daughter, find an excuse to get out of it.  Say you have to work, you're sick, a friend is sick, whatever.  Don't attend.

Before long you should find your relationship is better for disengagement. You won't know about what is given to daughter because you don't ask and you don't let him tell  you. Thus, your resentment is quelled.

Then you may find you have more clarity about how YOU are being treated separately from the daughter issue. If you find that you've disengaged from anything to do with his daughter, yet after some time BF feels he still can criticize your kids then I'd take him to task on that.

This is the only thing that has worked in my case. [/quote]

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