Reply to If you lost weight for your spouse, did it help your marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]God, so many hypocritical women on this thread. You didn't care what your husband looked like when you met him and fell for him? And you would be sexually interested in him now regardless of his appearance? He could weigh 300 pounds, smell like old cheese, have zits all over, yellow teeth, and so on, and you would still be sextually attracted to him? Give me a break.  [/quote]

Your post is disingenuous, and you damn well know it.  The OP described being overweight.  That’s it.  Nothing about how she smelled, skin, etc.  Just being heavier than she had been, but otherwise attractive and a terrific partner.

My DH has gained weight through the course of our marriage and *because I still like him as a person* we’re still happily married.  This idea that partners deserve to be maximally sexually attracted to their spouses for all time is BS.  Grow the hell up.[/quote]

I'm not the PP, who is being over the top. But a woman gaining 40 lbs is big weight gain. I doubt I would be attracted to my wife if she gained 40lbs. A request to lose 40 lbs is not a demand for maximal sexual attractiveness, it is a request for a return to something approaching a normal weight and a realistic acknowledgment that weight loss is necessary to restore physical attraction.[/quote]

I guess that I just don’t get this.  
As long as everyone is healthy, and you are attracted enough to have a good sex life, what does it matter?

Also, what happens if your wife gets cancer or has an accident or something that makes her less attractive?  What if she just gets old?  Are you just going to leave?  Are you going to bluntly tell her that you don’t find her attractive?  [/quote]
NP here who said anything about leaving?

This weight loss is something within ops control.  It's not much different than if he asked her to wear makeup or a sexy night gown.

Women complain here all the time about their overweight and slovenly husbands wanting sex with them and being turned off. This isn't any different despite your attempts to spin it into something else.[/quote]

OP here.  I am not slovenly, and my husband is not turned off.  If anything, he seems to be turned off by the weight I have lost, even though that’s explicitly wha he says that he wants.

Also, it’s very different than asking someone to wear makeup or a sexy nightgown.  You can do those things later that day and be attractive to your partner.  Then you move on with your life.  With weight loss, you have to change the structure of your life, at least a little bit, every day, and you have to live with the fact that you aren’t attractive to your partner for months, if it ever happens.  
[/quote]

OP - something you wrote earlier on this thread is stuck in my head. How you felt happy and present before, and now you feel like you are constantly thinking about food and your body. It didn't even occur to me that those thoughts - the constant thoughts about food and body - weren't universal or default. I'm not a crazy dieter - I live with the 10 pounds I put on in my 40s and feel pretty good/lucky overall (knock wood!). But I wake up in the morning already assessing whether I'm having a thin day or not a thin day, and just spend so much time aware of what my body feels like, what it looks like, what my body and I are doing together. I had never thought of that as being optional before. Now I wonder if I could break out of those thoughts - and how.

Anyway, I just wanted to say than you for that post because it's given me a lot to think about.[/quote]

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