Reply to Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?

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Reply to "Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]21:27, I don't equate people's worth with their income either.  I was making a point with an inflammatory remark.  I wrapped up a woman's decision to WOH in the most insulting way. Not because I really feel like WOHM are abandoning their children - but to serve as a rebuttal to the remarks made on this thread that seem to cast SAHM as backwards for making a choice to stay home.

My saying it is unfair to the kids to WOH - is like the PPs who said it is unfair to DH NOT to work. Casting WOH as selfish - like casting SAH as 1950s.....

Tyring to make a point is all.[/quote]

Well, when you are deliberately insulting you may be disrespectful in ways you do not intend.  You come across as an elitist bitch.  I have been a SAHM and I did not find any of the posts insulting towards SAHM.  I think your grasp of this discussion is weak and you are insecure about your choices.  Tired of people being bitchy on this forum and thinking they are effectively "making a point."    [/quote]

I haven't read through all the posts and know it is a touchy subject but I think if a couple is committed to having a parent stay home with the kids it should be on the table that either the dad or mom could stay home.  You could also consider alternating, you have the under 5 years, he tries to be in a position/job to be home early when they are of school age and starts homework and dinner once you go back to work.  It could be that you have a sitter and DH works from home two days, you work from home one day and you have family in the area to help out the other days. It could be that you have a part-time job on weekends or evenings so you are home during the day but still have a chance to work and DH gets his time with the kids as the adult in charge.  Or maybe it is the flip where you are the primary but DH has the night or weekend job.

I think the assumption that it has to be the mom or that it gets locked in that there is no scenario under which DH would do things like make dinner, change a diaper, help the children with homework, spend time with the kids because he is off supporting the family is a throwback to the 50's.  If you have made the decision after looking at all the possibilities that one spouse is going to have the high travel, demanding hours job (not saying every job that pays enough for someone to SAH in this area is like that, but going for the most difficult scenario), so the other can SAH and both parties willingly want this, how do you make sure you still have time for the non-SAH to develop a strong relationship with the kids, how do you find time together and time for yourself?  How do you balance the one person not feeling the weight of the world as the breadwinner and the other spouse still be in a position to support him/herself should there be a job loss or pay cut, divorce, or death?[/quote]

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