Reply to “The Harsh Reality of Gentle Parenting”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think so many aspects of gentle parenting are stupid. There, I said it. No, I do not yell at or harshly discipline my children. Yes, I am empathetic and kind with them, but this bullshit narrating their feelings to them and holding mine in is stupid.[/quote]

Why do you think it’s bullshit? There is a lot of research on the benefits of helping kids understand what their emotions are and guiding them through coping with those emotions. As for holding your feelings in…I think it’s good for kids to see you get frustrated, but it’s bad for kids to see you lose your shit and it’s terrible for parents to vent at your kids. [/quote]

DP.  I agree.  I think kids need to feel and understand emotions but I think self-control is also important, needs to come first.  No hitting needs to be the first lesson, next is what anger is and what it feels like.

When children are older, they need to have self-control first, then emotions.  IMO.[/quote]

You cant control something you dont/cant identify. What is it that you are controlling when you are angry- if you dont know what angry is and how to manage it there is no control. Hitting is because of anger in your example. How can you talk about hitting without talking about anger- how it feels? what are you feeling? recognizing the physical and mental manifestations of anger allows you to categorize the emotion. Ex. I start to feel puffy (on the inside) when I get angry/frustrated. It sounds dumb but knowing that means I can address it before I act. So being taught to walk away, take deep breaths, say you need a break are ALL forms of self-control. Self-control is not stopping the emotion its recognizing it and doing something productive with it or at the very least not destructive. [/quote]

I have boys, not girls.  The first thing they need to learn is not hit, not lash out.  After that, there's lots to learn.  Girls should learn to not lash inwards, but that's less obvious and not as easy to teach.

First, no hitting.  [/quote]

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