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[quote=Anonymous]Life is unfair and inequitable.  When there are second marriages and step children and half siblings, the inequities will be present within the family.

Your step children have two sets of grandparents.
Your children have two sets of grandparents.

They share one set.  They do not share the other set.

All four girls are extremely lucky to have two sets of grandparents who are active in their lives.  That is a blessing many children do not have.

I think it is fair for you and your DH to treat all your children the same in your house. I do not think it is fair for you to expect the unshared set of grandparents to treat all four girls the same.  If you and DH were to divorce, you are unlikely to stay as close to them and you certainly would not have any custody rights. You are an important adult in their life, but you are not their mother.

You are extremely lucky to have so much help from your parents for your two children.  That is rare, even on DCUM.

Navigating combined families can be difficult. Sometimes it is good to get outside independent advice to help you navigate the things that arise and to help you reframe your perspective.  
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