Reply to Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child

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Reply to "Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As an adoptee, I understand why it’s so annoying to always have that adjective mentioned. And I agree with you that there’s something very “othering” in the way some people speak about adoptees, particularly in the way they almost pathologically mention the adoption when mentioning the child. It gives the impression that the child doesn’t fully belong in their adoptive family, which is terribly cruel to the child.

But, it’s also true that we adoptees have two families: our first families and our adoptive families. And we belong - albeit in different ways - to both. So, yes, your adopted child is your child and not just your adopted child. They are also a child of their first family. It took me decades of therapy to find a way to have an integrated identity because my adoptive parents insisted I was “only” theirs, which your comments seem to suggest as well. Just watch for that with your adopted child. It can be very damaging too. [/quote]

I don't see it like you do.  My child doesn't have a first family and second family.  My child has one family who joined together to give the child the best possible life.  We all consider ourselves family and  just like families join for marriage, they join for adoption.  Grandparents are grandparents, aunts/uncles are aunts/uncles, no different in our home.

You don't know how each family who adopts treats the situation but for us, there is no first family.  We took our child home from the hospital and we are the only family this child has had.[/quote]

You are SICK.  Your child was not born in a damn cabbage patch.  Your child has a mother in addition to you.  You cannot erase her.  She exists, as does your child’s first family.  By diminishing your child’s first family, you diminish your child’s true identity.  And entirely for your own selfish ego, being insecure about your role as the mother.  [/quote]

No, you don't get it.  You don't get to define how it works in our family.  And, no, I am my child's only mother.  Sadly, my child will never get to see their birthmother again.  My child has one family.  Its sad how you don't get it  and feel you need to  decide how  adoption works in others families.

[/quote]

Your child has a mother who is not you.  Even if she is dead, she is your child’s mother.  You should have had a lot more therapy before adopting since you cannot grasp this fact.  [/quote]

What are you rambling about?   Of course I am my child’s mother.  [/quote]

Your child has another mother.  Dare I say it, your adopted child.  You are NOT your child’s only mother.  The fact that you have to reply to this indisputable fact shows how completely unhinged your are.  [/quote]

No, my child has one mother.  [/quote]

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