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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "On a scale of 0-10, how angry would you be "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If your spouse has ADHD and is working really hard to do his best and was super apologetic, then I would be pissed but I'd get over it. If your spouse is really just a jerk, then I'd be livid. But 99% of spouses aren't selfish jerks, they are just struggling. Help your DH out of love instead of attacking him. He doesn't want to be a jerk. [/quote] Why don’t we let Op opine on his response and follow up. She knows if he has negative coping mechanisms like being a jerk or lying or getting angry when he makes mistakes. I disagree with your 99% figure. [b]There are ADHd people who are kind. And there are ADHd people who are jerks. [/b] Struggling and letting yourself or others down is no reason to be a jerk. Frankly his survival hinges on having a caretaker, so it’s in his best interest NOT to be a jerk. Bullying can only get you so far in a repeat game like a marriage. Unf kids really lock in the codependency and healthy functional adult. [/quote] This. ADHD is an explanation for problems like this. It is not an excuse. He is an adult and a parent, and he has to find a way to meet his obligations to his child anyway. I once met a mom who lost two legs while serving in the military. She had two kids and the day I met her she had her baby strapped to her chest and a toddler in a stroller, and she was moving slow but getting it done. She told me "I have to leave 30 minutes early for everything. But I signed up for this!" He signed up for this. He is not allowed to just claim ADHD and be exempted from basic parenting duties. It is up to him to figure it out, in tandem with his partner, and if the current approach isn't working, HE needs to figure out a better one.[/quote]
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