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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are talking about marriages of parents who grew up and got married in India. Family enmeshment was a bigger issue for that generation than arranged marriages.[/quote]

Uh Indian-Am parents here are VERY enmeshed in their kids’ lives even here and 100% expect to be after arranged marriage too. Now some kids here will draw a line BUT in an arranged marriage you don’t know if your intended also wants distance from family or if he 100% expects mama’s involvement (and usually the guys DO want 100% involvement of their fam). And no neither you nor your parents can ask in the transactional process bc future DH and MIL will brand you as “not family oriented” and you aren’t marrying him.[/quote]

Indian-Am woman here — this was one of the main reasons I never went down the arranged marriage path (that and I didn’t really want to get married for the sake of getting married).   This was also the biggest source of conflict between my brother and his wife, who do have a successful arranged marriage.  Luckily my mom is mostly sane and stepped out of the drama and forced my father to as well.

Also, for all of those who are saying it’s up to the “boy” and “girl” and you can say no at any point are ignoring/not understanding the pressure that is put on the prospective bride and groom, as well as the lies parents and aunties and uncles tell about the matches.   My father at one point claimed I cooked Indian food very well (I did, and still do, NOT).  Some parents told my parents their son was vegetarian — he was not, but didn’t want to tell his mom because she’d be heartbroken.  There was some guy my father tried to set me up with who was completely unattractive to me on several levels.  He told me that it wasn’t a big deal because he was a pharmacist and would always have a job.  Luckily my sane mom told him to drop it.

That being said, I think it works for people who go into it with their eyes open and can, with their spouse, draw boundaries around parental involvement.

What I do find odd about OP’s story is that the couple never met in person — meeting a few times at least is typical in this country and in this day and age, in my experience. [/quote]

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