Reply to Arranged Marriage?!?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Arranged Marriage?!?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Indian-Am myself so very familiar with this process. Yes it’s a very reasonable way to meet someone, yes this girls marriage has a 99% chance of working. Yet what no one hits on - most of these marriages never develop the intimacy that regular marriages already have going in. Yes we all know intimacy alone isn’t enough for a marriage - as evidenced by the 50% US divorce rate - and similar values, culture, professional attainment, money views matter greatly. But a marriage where the love is in that - of [b]course we respect each other/love each other bc we’re spouses  - kind of polite way just isn’t fun[/b]. AT ALL. This is what many Indian Am experienced growing up - marriage as business transaction. In our homes we saw -no holding hands, hugging, real joking around or belly laughs and I can only imagine the true private moments -let’s just say it’s done after 2 kids have arrived. Even Indian Am born and raised here going into this process tend to view marriage as a transaction; if they are in that lucky 0.5% they will have true intimacy + all the business objectives met w 2 drs, million dollar starter homes etc. But 99.5% chance it’ll be a good transaction w no true true love but they’ll stay in bc well what is love anyway/doesn’t exist - guaranteed either her parents or in-laws or both feel this way.[/quote]

So sorry about your childhood with your parents. It seems like you were very unhappy and think that it is due to your parents being Indian-Americans. Let me assure you, it was just that your parents had a bad and miserable marriage.  Most Indian kids think of their childhood as a golden period of bliss and happiness.  Yes, there are lots of marriages that are not a hugely romantic matches, and there are lots of happy marriages where PDA does not happen,  but the chance they will break up is uncommon. Are there miserable marriages too? Of course, I am sure there are as many unhappy (but not divorcing) marriages in Indian-American families as there are in any other racial group in USA.  Mostly, the conservative culture of the small expat community and immigrant community works to contain openly bad behavior but also prevents people from divorcing in unhappy marriages

Thankfully, most people I know are in happy and romantic marriages. Even those that had arranged marriages. (ok - I know 2 couples who should divorce STAT because the husbands are psychos, and 1 kid whose parents are horrible. So sh1t happens).  You know, I think there is something to be said about having a marriage where the respect and loyalty happens just because wedding vows are honored. Having high SES, same culture, comingled wealth, education, successful children, family support, societal approval, love of Bollywood  etc - go a long way in acting as glue in keeping the marriage together.  Most people (50 and below) also want the romance, leisure time and lifestyle of today - that earlier generation did not go for due to a lot of financial and cultural reasons.  Now with rising SES, Indian-Americans are more into conspicuous consumption than before. The younger generation is also open to divorce if things don't work out.

I think generally people in arranged marriages also do not have unrealistic expectation of marriage and for most of the couples they may still have middle class morality even if they are UC.    Of course, there are all types of people in all types of society. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics