Reply to I want a month break from spouse. How to approach?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the original post may have been written by my spouses in my voice. I have a 9 yo son, a vacation house an hour away and I have asked for alone time to determine whether this marriage is the right one. I've been deeply unhappy for many many years. The attempts to discuss my unhappiness have been met with anger and accusations that the problems originate with me. It is not a healthy or loving marriage.  That's not good for either spouse and it's not good for our son.  Two unhappy parents together does not mean a better life for a child who can have two happy parents that are not together. I WANT to spend time with my son during this time.  I have OFFERED the SAHM space/time/swapping "you check into a hotel go to vacation house etc). We are in different places.  But to assume someone is a bad parent because they need space isn't the whole story.  I think if any parent or person identifies the need to retreat and reflect and come back a better person, that's their reality and there is a way to stay connected to children to smooth a confusing time out for them as well. Provided BOTH parents want that.[/quote]

Get a counselor involved to mediate and hammer out a temporary agreement for a month’s break from each other. It’s obviously a dysfunctional situation with a lot of baggage and power struggles thrown in. But you probably aren’t in a place where you can work it out together without help. (By work it out, I don’t mean reconcile, but come to a reasonable agreement that fits both parties.) Your spouse may feel that you always walk away and don’t take responsibility for the relationship or family. In that case I can see why your proposal would strike a nerve. It is difficult to figure these things out in the middle of a fight. Sit down with a counselor and make an agreement that suits both. For the sake of your son, the divorce — if there is one — needs to be cordial and not hostile. So you need to deal with this regardless of the path ahead.[/quote]

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