Reply to How to comfort friend after disappointing delivery?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And how is the baby OP? Isn’t that the most important part of the story?[/quote]

WTF. It is AN important part of the story, but *uck you for implying that people shouldn't have feelings about how their birth went as long as their baby is fine. [/quote]

This is a really, really common way to try to convince women that the lowest possible bar for success is also the highest possible standard of excellence. [/quote]

Standards of excellence?  You think we should be giving women gold stars for their excellent child birthing sills or something?[/quote]

No, I think we should stop giving doctors participation trophies for having living patients at the end of the procedure. There is no other medical procedure that a result of ”you’re not dead!” Is supposed to be good enough. [/quote]

It's a very strange take to make veiled suggestions that the doctors were somehow in the wrong here.  It doesn't sound like there was anything medically wrong with the birth.  There's no suggestion in the OP or any follow-up that the doctors did anything other than excellent work.  But your post suggests that, if the mother is unhappy with the way the birth experience turned out, it is the doctor's fault?  Is there any other medical procedure where the physicians are held responsible for the feelings of the patient after a successful procedure?

Mother is healthy, baby is healthy.  No complications are reported by OP, and no negligence by the medical staff.  If that's not good enough for you, what would be, and how would you propose that teh doctors achieve it?  Should they have let the mother stay in labor for longer than 48 hours?  [/quote]

It’s not a veiled suggestion the doctors are in the wrong, it’s an overt assertion that people are saying (here and probably in real life) that because the doctors have reached literally the minimum standard of care (patient isn’t dead) the patient has be [b]as happy[/b] with the outcome as if she *hadn’t* had surgery that both puts her life at risk and has implications for her later fertility. Of course she doesn’t! In the same way if she had planned a c-section, gone into precipitous labor and delivered in her husbands car she doesn’t have to be [b]as happy[/b] as if she had been in a calm safe OR just because she’s not dead. Not dead is a very low standard of medical care and we should stop insisting it is all that matters.

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DP, but this thread is all about women who have PTSD after a c-section because they are "disappointed" in the way the birth went. That is it. They are not injured, they are not maimed, they just were among the [b]25-30 percent[/b] of women who wound up with a c-section. It's ridiculous that people are equating "disappointment" with "trauma."[/quote]

If you read the thread you will also hear about people having serious fertility issues post c-section. Unless OPs friend is for sure finished, she doesn’t know she isn’t injured.  She’s not out of the woods yet on complications on recovery either, and OP certainly hasn’t been back to say one way or the other (and given OPs initial attitude I doubt she’d be back here saying “oh yeah my friend was just readmitted and is now separated from her baby”)

Patients can be disappointed with medical procedures that don’t end in death.  There are many disappointing outcomes that can result from birth and diminishing them and saying, as posters in this thread do, that no one who didn’t die or lose their baby has anything to be disappointed about, is sexist and just incorrect.[/quote]

But to pretend that you didn't know that 25 percent of US deliveries end up as c-sections is just flat out naive. It's fine to be disappointed but the fact that people are ending up with PTSD indicates that they are delusional about what is involved in giving birth. The vast majority of women who have c-sections go on to have healthy subsequent pregnancies if they dob't have other fertility issues. And it's actually the OPPOSITE of sexist to wonder what it is we need to do to have people understand the risks and outcomes of pregnancy. We are doing them an incredible disservice if they are coming out of the delivery room feeling traumatized by a c-section.[/quote]

The 25% number is well known— however— the experts (ACOG and others) believe that this number is too high and contributes to the high maternal mortality rate in the U.S.  Having a riskier procedure than planned, with unknown future implications is something that would upset many people in cases that aren’t c-sections.

I think what we need to do is get the U.S. maternal mortality rate down near other developed countries, and have a less perverse incentive system when it comes to what procedures what patients receive. This thread was supposed to be about how to offer support, though, not criticize mothers trauma if they differ from your own experience.[/quote]

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