Reply to I want a month break from spouse. How to approach?

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[quote=Anonymous]Any spouse can opt for a separation or divorce at any time, for any reason. When children are involved, we all hope those are good reasons, of course.

Like the OP, we have a vacation home. I'm a SAHM (who, incidentally, has been cheated on . . . the vacation home was actually purchased in the wake of discovering the affair, clearly in part  to prove my spouse's commitment to our future). I'm not going to judge you for your family arrangements or second home.
 
But I will say that I hope your child is a priority for you and that a month away from your child, however independent they are, gives you pause. I'm the one who stays home but my husband cherishes his time with the kids. He's a sappy mess when he has to travel for work. Don't you think you would miss your child, and more importantly, don't you worry that your child would miss you?

COVID has been hard on all of us. At the start of quarantine/work from home, my extroverted spouse felt a little stir crazy in our house. He started going to the second home one night a week, then I'd come with the kids the next day for the weekend. But eventually I realized, what is good for the goose is good for the gander . . . just because I'm a SAHM doesn't mean that I'm not a human who needs alone time too (which was suddenly gone with the kids home all the time). So then we arranged it so that he would go Thursday night, we'd come Friday, and I'd go home Sunday without them for a night to myself, with him following with the kids on Monday. Even if you are planning to divorce, which, again, is your right, you should want to have a fair co-parenting relationship, which means sharing the joys and responsibilities of time with your kid. You want a separation, fine. You have a second home and don't need to rent an apartment, fine. But don't propose leaving everything on your spouse's plate for a whole month. Because, yes, doing it that way IS abandoning your responsibilities unless it's what your spouse asks for. Who knows, maybe the idea of hanging with a fun, independent 9 year old without you around is all your spouse wants. But you don't know until you ask, and you need to be willing to split the joys and the responsibilities more evenly. Maybe your spouse would prefer to pay for an apartment so that you are nearby. You don't know until you ask.[/quote]

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